Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Back After a Looooong Break... Not much has changed.

They were going to take this and all sexually explicit blogs away, which forced me to make a decision about what to do with the whole thing. Move it? Archive it? Scrap it? Monetize it? Got absorbed going back over everything and realized not much has changed, that is to say, my cock got hard and needed to be touched! And so maybe there is more I need to explore about this side of me that I have now come to accept and even embrace. After all the self hatred and fear that maybe I was gay, my self image is now so much less rigid. What the hell does it matter what sexual label I am? There's what I like when I like it and all for reasons that I don't even have to understand or unpack. Listening to the Savage Love Cast has helped me so much just to release myself from this self-imposed repression. Simple fact is I like me some cock sometimes.

Plus I've been watching a lot of gay porn lately and still have so much to share with all of you!


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Final Post?

I have moved past this blog and my fears - with its help. Writing all this helped me sort out my feelings and explore fantasies in a free and anonymous environment. It served me well, but the time has come to move on.

Patrick and I broke up soon after I became disinterested in sex. I found myself thinking of nothing but women when he and I were having sex, I lost interest in gay porn and surfing the net for thick, juicy cocks. It's as if being with him brought me a greater clarity about my sexuality. But in a way that I did not expect. I don't know what I'd been afraid of all these years. Gay sex is really no big deal, it's just a matter of whether that gets you off or not. And everyone has a right to get off.

I used to be homophobic, until I realized that I was afraid of my own gay side. Once I got the courage to explore that side of me, I found out that it wasn't something to be afraid of.

To anyone who might just now be wondering if they're gay, please don't hesitate to get out there and get laid - find out NOW because life is too short to keep yourself from being happy. Just go for it.

-Benny

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Takin' a Break

Been at this blog for six months to the day. I've come a long way to figuring this all out, much in part thanks to this blog. And now I need a break. Don't know when I'll be back, as writing has been hard for me lately. Though I'm still confused and searching, I'm having trouble putting my feelings to words. Don't know if this is "goodbye" but definitely a "later" while I sort out my apathy toward my little blog here.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Possible Three Way Raises Questions

I've never had a group sex experience, but it's something I've always been open to. Of course I have fantasized about the two girl one guy thing like every other straight man in the world, and for a long time - even before I realized I was bi - I dreamt about double teaming a chick or watching a guy fuck his woman. Although it's something I've always wanted to do, I've never had the opportunity. Now that I know I'm at least partially bisexual, I can add an all-male group sex experience to the lifetime sexual wish list.

Patrick thinks that one of his lovers would be a good match for us in a three way. The guy is a closeted bisexual and they've been having sex together for seven years. Patrick says they have hot passionate sex, and that I'd have to get up to speed to be able to fit in with them. Not that we don't have hot sex, just that they have had so much time to establish their connection. Patrick says he doesn't think I'm comfortable enough yet with gay sex to get the best out of a three way. He doesn't think we've developed our sexual vibe enough yet.

In some ways I see his point, especially since he's right that I'm still exploring my comfort zone with it all. And to be honest, since I posted about it earlier, our sex life has continued to dwindle. The other night when I went over we barely even kissed. No hot sex like the first three nights, though he said it didn't bother him.

But then in other ways I don't really see his point, because it sort of ties a carrot out in front of me. I kind of resent him bringing up a threeway, but then saying I've got work to do. I can't help but see it as a manipulative move to get me to suck his cock more, or let him play more with my ass, or even fuck it.

I don't often respond well to behavior that seems manipulative. And it might end up encouraging my pullback in sexual interest with him. Which would be a drag because I'd really like to have a threeway!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Give Me a Bisexual Boyfriend

Wouldn't it be great to have a bisexual boyfriend? I'd want him to be totally fit and hot, charming, funny, and he must love to suck cock. Have him be totally smooth with the ladies, great at convincing hot chicks to come home with us to screw. Maybe we could take one of our girlfriends up into the mountains to a remote campsite and fuck her right out in the open under the sky.

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Thursday, January 22, 2009