This guy cums a fucking truckload three times, I don't know if I've ever seen anyone cum this much or so many times. How does he do it?
I've cum more than once, but had to get my dick soft and hard again before I could. WTF? Is this guy a freak of nature or has anyone ever seen anything like this before?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Confusion After Buying First Gay Magazine
I don't like to live my life in fear or as an overly suspicious person. That's why conspiracy theories and blind mistrust of authority always bothered me. But I used to have a friend who often made me wonder if he was spying on me. One incident was particularly strange.
About five years ago, long before I connected the dots and came to the obvious conclusion that I am bisexual, I succumbed to an urge to go out and buy a gay porno magazine. I went to a different part of town and picked out a Hastings to shop for my guilty desire. I went in, cased out the magazine rack, grabbed a SWANK, Penthouse, and a Honcho magazine.

I looked around to see if anyone saw. My heart was pounding. My face was flush. My brain was flooded with guilty excitement. I was about to purchase a gay pornographic magazine! What would the clerk think? She thought nothing of course.
Once back home, I almost immediately got a call from my friend. He said something very strange which has been unsettling to this very day. "Don't go gay on me dude."
"What?"
"Don't go gay on me."
"Whatever, dude."
"OK man, I'm just saying, don't go gay on me."
I changed the subject, but still this bothered me to no end. How had he known I just bought a gay magazine? Did he have a trail on me? Happen to have a contact in the store who called him right away? Was he a freaking member of the homophobic psychic network? WHAT THE HELL?! Fuck him, I thought, and jerked off over the magazine anyway. I wasn't going to let this intrusion keep me from fulfilling a fantasy.
That so-called friend ended up stealing from me, and that gave me the courage to dissolve the friendship. I realized that he was a selfish, manipulative, greedy person. A colossal taker. But what he said that day has always bothered me. Are people really that judgmental, jealous, suspicious, or whatever, that they would spy on a friend? Was it just freaky coincidence?
About five years ago, long before I connected the dots and came to the obvious conclusion that I am bisexual, I succumbed to an urge to go out and buy a gay porno magazine. I went to a different part of town and picked out a Hastings to shop for my guilty desire. I went in, cased out the magazine rack, grabbed a SWANK, Penthouse, and a Honcho magazine.

I looked around to see if anyone saw. My heart was pounding. My face was flush. My brain was flooded with guilty excitement. I was about to purchase a gay pornographic magazine! What would the clerk think? She thought nothing of course.
Once back home, I almost immediately got a call from my friend. He said something very strange which has been unsettling to this very day. "Don't go gay on me dude."
"What?"
"Don't go gay on me."
"Whatever, dude."
"OK man, I'm just saying, don't go gay on me."
I changed the subject, but still this bothered me to no end. How had he known I just bought a gay magazine? Did he have a trail on me? Happen to have a contact in the store who called him right away? Was he a freaking member of the homophobic psychic network? WHAT THE HELL?! Fuck him, I thought, and jerked off over the magazine anyway. I wasn't going to let this intrusion keep me from fulfilling a fantasy.
That so-called friend ended up stealing from me, and that gave me the courage to dissolve the friendship. I realized that he was a selfish, manipulative, greedy person. A colossal taker. But what he said that day has always bothered me. Are people really that judgmental, jealous, suspicious, or whatever, that they would spy on a friend? Was it just freaky coincidence?
Labels:
gay,
gay urges,
guilty pleasures,
homophobia,
pornography,
self discovery,
sexual attraction
Monday, September 1, 2008
Camping Circle Jerk
I went camping with a friend, just to get out of town. We took my four wheel drive truck deep into the mountains and found a remote spot in a grassy mountain meadow to set up camp. We like to party, and by mid afternoon we were a few beers into the conversation, starting to feel a little buzzed.
He started complaining about the women in our town, that they were so hard to approach and if they weren't already taken, they were friggin crazy. I had had similar bad experiences and failures with women in town, so I took a chance. "I know, when the chicks around here are so hard to connect with, I just go after the guys."
He gave me a stunned look and for a second I was worried that I crossed a line, that maybe I offended him. But instead his face flushed beet red with embarrassment. Flustered, he stammered out, "H-have you ever been? ...with a guy?"
"Not really, but I always wanted to kind of check it out." I told the truth.
"Yeah, the more I strike out with women, the more I want to see what it's like to be with a guy, ya know?"
"Yeah, man I do know..." I said, nervous with the segue and the opportunity. "... um, can I see your cock?"
"Never heard a chick say that!" We laughed and he bashfully said, "I dunno... you go first."
I've always been an exhibitionist at heart, so my cock jumped at the chance. I stood up, unbuttoned my shorts, and pulled out my manhood. I was already starting to get hard. It was a nice day so I just took off my shorts and underwear and laid down in the grass.
"I prefer to be naked anyway, and my dick likes it too." My hardening tip glistened in the sunlight, my cock vein pulsed with exposure. "Your turn, dude." I winked.
He gave me a look of hesitation, but my smiling nod must have settled his unease, and he took all his clothes off right there standing in front of me. My cock lunged and hardened to granite.
He sat down next to me totally naked. I took off my shirt and we jerked off right there in the beautiful tall grass and sun, both totally naked. With the breeze and sky and the sound of him beating off, watching every stroke, the excitement had literally come to a head and a cannonball of cum came blasting out of my cock and splashed on my chest. I unloaded my orgasm in seven spurts of juicy cum that ran down my abs in streams. He wasn't far behind and took his eyes off my cumming dick, focused intently on his own, beating himself rapidly now. I reached out and cupped his balls and he was instantly sent into a violent burst of release, he moaned and cum bubbled up to his tip and danced out onto his chest in glorious bursts.
When he was drained he looked up at me, and I bashfully looked away half embarrassed, and he said, "chicks got nothing on that."
He started complaining about the women in our town, that they were so hard to approach and if they weren't already taken, they were friggin crazy. I had had similar bad experiences and failures with women in town, so I took a chance. "I know, when the chicks around here are so hard to connect with, I just go after the guys."
He gave me a stunned look and for a second I was worried that I crossed a line, that maybe I offended him. But instead his face flushed beet red with embarrassment. Flustered, he stammered out, "H-have you ever been? ...with a guy?"
"Not really, but I always wanted to kind of check it out." I told the truth.
"Yeah, the more I strike out with women, the more I want to see what it's like to be with a guy, ya know?"
"Yeah, man I do know..." I said, nervous with the segue and the opportunity. "... um, can I see your cock?"
"Never heard a chick say that!" We laughed and he bashfully said, "I dunno... you go first."
I've always been an exhibitionist at heart, so my cock jumped at the chance. I stood up, unbuttoned my shorts, and pulled out my manhood. I was already starting to get hard. It was a nice day so I just took off my shorts and underwear and laid down in the grass.

He gave me a look of hesitation, but my smiling nod must have settled his unease, and he took all his clothes off right there standing in front of me. My cock lunged and hardened to granite.
He sat down next to me totally naked. I took off my shirt and we jerked off right there in the beautiful tall grass and sun, both totally naked. With the breeze and sky and the sound of him beating off, watching every stroke, the excitement had literally come to a head and a cannonball of cum came blasting out of my cock and splashed on my chest. I unloaded my orgasm in seven spurts of juicy cum that ran down my abs in streams. He wasn't far behind and took his eyes off my cumming dick, focused intently on his own, beating himself rapidly now. I reached out and cupped his balls and he was instantly sent into a violent burst of release, he moaned and cum bubbled up to his tip and danced out onto his chest in glorious bursts.
When he was drained he looked up at me, and I bashfully looked away half embarrassed, and he said, "chicks got nothing on that."
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Stud At Play
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Labels:
cock,
gay porn,
gay videos,
jerk off videos,
masturbation,
nude men,
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voyeurism
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Latent Homophobia
About a year ago when I was exploring my sexuality and first accepting that I was probably bi, I heard about these rumors going around about men who are "on the down low." Supposedly they are outwardly straight men who secretly have sex with each other on the side.
I asked a good friend of mine what he thought about this, in general, and if he had ever heard about it. His answer surprised me. "Dude, I don't care what anyone says, if you sleep with a guy, you are fucking GAY."
At the time, I had already purchased a few gay magazines and pornos, and gay surfed and masturbated to homosexual material quite a few times. By asking him this general question, I was sort of feeling out how he might
react if I told him that I was bisexual. He surprised me because of the stark nature of his answer: when it comes to being gay, you either are or you aren't. His answer made me feel like I could never tell him that I was bisexual, because he would just label me as gay, and perhaps feel betrayed, maybe even get defensive and wonder if our friendship was merely based on misguided affections.
It must be terribly difficult for closeted gay men to come out to their friends and family. The fears of being rejected must be very strong, especially for those raised in more conservative families. But in our society, gay men are less misunderstood and more accepted every day, albeit often only in jokes and on comedy sitcoms (Will & Grace). The fact that there are gay people in the world is no longer a secret, at least in America. Americans can understand gayness, on a basic level, and although they may not agree with it or accept it, they know it exists.
Bisexuality in men, on the other hand, seems far more misunderstood in our society. We are perhaps thirty years behind the curve when it comes to our viewpoint of male bisexuality. I think a lot of men, like my friend, are threatened by gayness. So they have to draw a line in the sand, create contrasting definitions between gay and straight, ideology reduced to absolutes, as a defense mechanism. Perhaps they have felt a tinge of gayness, and in an attempt to reject that side of themselves, have repressed their urges to comply with their enforced heterosexuality. It is this artificial pigeonholing of sexuality that I believe keeps many people in the closet from themselves, never able to figure out why they are so unhappy. What they really crave is a homosexual tryst. They are the Larry Craig's of the world. Afraid to face their inner gay.
One of my all time favorite movies is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It's about forbidden love, and the tragedy of not having the courage to shun social mores and give in to true love, to just accept the loving gifts of the universe. The main character, Shu Lien, says, "that which we try to suppress, only becomes stronger." This line was rather profound for me when I first saw the movie, as I was myself struggling with feelings I was trying to suppress. I had not yet figured out that I was bisexual, and was fighting to keep from "becoming" gay. I was confused and paralyzed by a strict mis-perception of sexuality that didn't match the urges I was having inside.
A reality show I like on Bravo TV, called Million Dollar Listing, has a character named Madison who explained his sexuality as "open." That makes a lot of sense to me, it strikes a chord. The fact that he is so comfortably blunt about it really turns me on. Not to mention he is SO friggin hot I can hardly stand it. All the guys on that show are totally hot, but that's besides the point. The point is that sexuality is far more complex than gay or not gay. I hope that one day our society can outgrow its myopic view of sexuality.
I asked a good friend of mine what he thought about this, in general, and if he had ever heard about it. His answer surprised me. "Dude, I don't care what anyone says, if you sleep with a guy, you are fucking GAY."
At the time, I had already purchased a few gay magazines and pornos, and gay surfed and masturbated to homosexual material quite a few times. By asking him this general question, I was sort of feeling out how he might

It must be terribly difficult for closeted gay men to come out to their friends and family. The fears of being rejected must be very strong, especially for those raised in more conservative families. But in our society, gay men are less misunderstood and more accepted every day, albeit often only in jokes and on comedy sitcoms (Will & Grace). The fact that there are gay people in the world is no longer a secret, at least in America. Americans can understand gayness, on a basic level, and although they may not agree with it or accept it, they know it exists.
Bisexuality in men, on the other hand, seems far more misunderstood in our society. We are perhaps thirty years behind the curve when it comes to our viewpoint of male bisexuality. I think a lot of men, like my friend, are threatened by gayness. So they have to draw a line in the sand, create contrasting definitions between gay and straight, ideology reduced to absolutes, as a defense mechanism. Perhaps they have felt a tinge of gayness, and in an attempt to reject that side of themselves, have repressed their urges to comply with their enforced heterosexuality. It is this artificial pigeonholing of sexuality that I believe keeps many people in the closet from themselves, never able to figure out why they are so unhappy. What they really crave is a homosexual tryst. They are the Larry Craig's of the world. Afraid to face their inner gay.
One of my all time favorite movies is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It's about forbidden love, and the tragedy of not having the courage to shun social mores and give in to true love, to just accept the loving gifts of the universe. The main character, Shu Lien, says, "that which we try to suppress, only becomes stronger." This line was rather profound for me when I first saw the movie, as I was myself struggling with feelings I was trying to suppress. I had not yet figured out that I was bisexual, and was fighting to keep from "becoming" gay. I was confused and paralyzed by a strict mis-perception of sexuality that didn't match the urges I was having inside.
A reality show I like on Bravo TV, called Million Dollar Listing, has a character named Madison who explained his sexuality as "open." That makes a lot of sense to me, it strikes a chord. The fact that he is so comfortably blunt about it really turns me on. Not to mention he is SO friggin hot I can hardly stand it. All the guys on that show are totally hot, but that's besides the point. The point is that sexuality is far more complex than gay or not gay. I hope that one day our society can outgrow its myopic view of sexuality.
Labels:
bisexuality,
coming out,
homophobia,
sexual preference
Friday, August 29, 2008
Pussy Has Personality!
I'm definitely not gay, I could never swear off women! To me the vagina is an incredibly fascinating organ. Each one as unique as the individual who
owns it. Equally as complex, mysterious and intricate as the woman attached. Pussy is truly an enigma.
I've heard gay men and even some women say that vaginas are ugly. Ugly? I suppose orchids are ugly in their own way too. When we are too uptight or unable to understand, must we find negative words to fashion our descriptions? Dan Savage says pussy looks like a "canned ham dropped from ten feet." If that's true, then a split canned ham is entirely beautiful and inherently fuckable.
Ham imagery aside, pussy comes in as many shapes and sizes as there are species in the world, with as many variations of expressive individuality as the populace. This is why I love shaved snatch so very much: I like to be able to see and explore all the details within each beautiful tuck and fold. It's the same reason florists trim thorns and shade leaves from roses. It's all about the presentation and accentuation of the intrinsic beauty underneath the protective layers.
Some women have thick, meaty lips and clitoral hood, wrinkled and protruding. The lips remain tangled together, crumpled and tucked-in throughout the day, yet become gloriously expressed when aroused, opening like a flower. Large pussy lips are fun to play with, suck and tug on, nibble and lick. They can be easily spread wide during cunnilingus, to get at the inner folds and clitoris for unobstructed munching. Some women have such long lips, they can be tied in a knot, while others talk to their plastic surgeon about "fixing" this "problem" area.
Longer lips can be uncomfortable during sex if not properly lubricated. Many a porn scene has been shot with the director oblivious to dryness and discomfort, her outer lips being gripped and pulled into her hole with each thrust. Imagine trying to act turned on when your cunt's being ripped apart by a rubber saw. Meaty lips must be given adequate attention and priming before penetrative sex to ensure that the rest of the organ is on-board and aroused enough to keep the juices flowing properly.
Pussy lips are the silken curtains marking the entrance to moist delights inside, a temptation beyond description. The warm and snug gripping of my shaft, a muscular and fantastic love tunnel, self-lubricating and intensely satisfying. Pussy is aptly designed for fucking, the cock merely an evolutionary byproduct of vaginal pleasure, erected to serve at the delights of the queen goddess.
When I'm hard and inches from a pussy, my erectile longing can be as palpable as hunger, as if my cock had radar, fully cognizant of the blissful plunge into moistened pleasure that is merely a thrust away. Within naked proximity, the cock wants nothing more than to perform its sacred duty: inject a steamy cumload deep within. Cocks know what their purpose in life is: piss when soft, cum when hard. Cocks have an almost binary, far more simplified sexual repertoire than pussy, which desires a far greater range of delicacies, and is hard-wired to countless erogenous zones that span the female body.

Not to be outdone by large lips, and every shape and size in between, slender pussy lips are also incredibly beautiful floral arrangements. Barely tucked away and hidden within, peeking out from between the outer walls like a tiny mountain ridge of flesh. They are a joy to eat, sublime to lick like an ice cream cone, alternating from clit to cunt hole, up and down like a commuter train on skin rails. I love to French kiss and tongue tickle smaller pussy lips. They yield easily when fucked, having less surface area than large lips, making more efficient use of the natural lubricating juices. They're probably less uncomfortable getting fucked when dry, but gentlemen please, be careful! I once had a lover who's svelte little lips had literally been torn by an overeager, dick-stupid boyfriend. Her florette required extra special care and attention, since the tear still gave her
pain with any dryness, even so many years later. I could have killed that dumb fuck oaf. Guys, please remember to be kind to pussies, they are powerful yet deceivingly delicate organs, and require service and attention far beyond that of our comparably rudimentary cocks.

I've heard gay men and even some women say that vaginas are ugly. Ugly? I suppose orchids are ugly in their own way too. When we are too uptight or unable to understand, must we find negative words to fashion our descriptions? Dan Savage says pussy looks like a "canned ham dropped from ten feet." If that's true, then a split canned ham is entirely beautiful and inherently fuckable.
Ham imagery aside, pussy comes in as many shapes and sizes as there are species in the world, with as many variations of expressive individuality as the populace. This is why I love shaved snatch so very much: I like to be able to see and explore all the details within each beautiful tuck and fold. It's the same reason florists trim thorns and shade leaves from roses. It's all about the presentation and accentuation of the intrinsic beauty underneath the protective layers.
Some women have thick, meaty lips and clitoral hood, wrinkled and protruding. The lips remain tangled together, crumpled and tucked-in throughout the day, yet become gloriously expressed when aroused, opening like a flower. Large pussy lips are fun to play with, suck and tug on, nibble and lick. They can be easily spread wide during cunnilingus, to get at the inner folds and clitoris for unobstructed munching. Some women have such long lips, they can be tied in a knot, while others talk to their plastic surgeon about "fixing" this "problem" area.
Longer lips can be uncomfortable during sex if not properly lubricated. Many a porn scene has been shot with the director oblivious to dryness and discomfort, her outer lips being gripped and pulled into her hole with each thrust. Imagine trying to act turned on when your cunt's being ripped apart by a rubber saw. Meaty lips must be given adequate attention and priming before penetrative sex to ensure that the rest of the organ is on-board and aroused enough to keep the juices flowing properly.
Pussy lips are the silken curtains marking the entrance to moist delights inside, a temptation beyond description. The warm and snug gripping of my shaft, a muscular and fantastic love tunnel, self-lubricating and intensely satisfying. Pussy is aptly designed for fucking, the cock merely an evolutionary byproduct of vaginal pleasure, erected to serve at the delights of the queen goddess.
When I'm hard and inches from a pussy, my erectile longing can be as palpable as hunger, as if my cock had radar, fully cognizant of the blissful plunge into moistened pleasure that is merely a thrust away. Within naked proximity, the cock wants nothing more than to perform its sacred duty: inject a steamy cumload deep within. Cocks know what their purpose in life is: piss when soft, cum when hard. Cocks have an almost binary, far more simplified sexual repertoire than pussy, which desires a far greater range of delicacies, and is hard-wired to countless erogenous zones that span the female body.

Not to be outdone by large lips, and every shape and size in between, slender pussy lips are also incredibly beautiful floral arrangements. Barely tucked away and hidden within, peeking out from between the outer walls like a tiny mountain ridge of flesh. They are a joy to eat, sublime to lick like an ice cream cone, alternating from clit to cunt hole, up and down like a commuter train on skin rails. I love to French kiss and tongue tickle smaller pussy lips. They yield easily when fucked, having less surface area than large lips, making more efficient use of the natural lubricating juices. They're probably less uncomfortable getting fucked when dry, but gentlemen please, be careful! I once had a lover who's svelte little lips had literally been torn by an overeager, dick-stupid boyfriend. Her florette required extra special care and attention, since the tear still gave her

Some pussy lips are so subtle, they have hardly any outward appearance at all. I've heard these called hamburger buns, but I don't personally like the term. I can see the resemblance, and I love this kind of pussy, but I prefer descriptions with sexier connotations. Like peach slit. The incredible beauty of this kind of vaginal structure reminds me of the seam of a peach, and when shaved the smoothness is quite similar, being a sweet fuzzy treat, the petite outer lips tucked into the canyon between twin puffy mounds, all the hardware deliciously nestled inside. Yumm.
The vagina is the most beautiful part of a woman's body. The most fascinating and mysterious, most privately held part of all, a wonderfully complex and detailed thing. A lifetime of study could never master the complete understanding and command of such a fantastic and awe inspiring organ. Ladies, your pussies are divinely beautiful, absolutely worthy of worship at the altar. May I please?
The vagina is the most beautiful part of a woman's body. The most fascinating and mysterious, most privately held part of all, a wonderfully complex and detailed thing. A lifetime of study could never master the complete understanding and command of such a fantastic and awe inspiring organ. Ladies, your pussies are divinely beautiful, absolutely worthy of worship at the altar. May I please?
Labels:
bisexuality,
cock,
grooming,
pussy,
pussy trimming,
rants,
sexual attraction,
straight sex
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Is Using Porn the Same as Cheating?
They say if you love someone set them free. It seems that's easier said than done, as jealousy often prevents us from allowing our girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives true freedom. Instead we want them to be committed to us and only us, we want to believe that their eyes never wander, that all their sexual fantasies involve us alone, and that we can fulfill their every desire. Though I do recognize that monogamy is a choice that most of us make by default, I also think that such strict interpretations of commitment are detrimental to healthy relationships. Honestly.
A friend of mine is married but has probably the world's most wandering eyes. He points out hot women constantly, and his wife is no ugly duckling, but still his eyes wander lustfully. I asked him once, "doesn't Amy get upset with you scoping out other women all the time?"
"Nope." He explained, "she knows who I am and knew what she was getting into when we got married. Besides, my philosophy is that it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home." Amy knew that the more looking her husband did, the hornier he got, and the more vigorous fucking she was going to get once they got home. Talk about trust and a higher understanding!
I've heard here and there, read blogs and posts on the internet, about spouses who are worried that their significant other is "cheating" on the internet via porn surfing, flirtatious chat, cybersex, or what have you. Once they find out that he or she really is doing it, the guilty feelings are projected inward and internalized. It becomes the cuckold's fault that the other went looking elsewhere, because they alone weren't good enough for them. I think that this is a trap that many of us fall into: distilling someone else's feelings through our own viewpoint, not able to see that each person is an individual driven by their own needs and desires. To further my point, how many of us make all of our decisions initially based solely on someone else? None perhaps except for a mother and her child. Marriage is a union between two individuals. And individuals, at the most basic level, are always driven by survival and self-preservation. Being considerate of others is a learned behavior, not instinctual.
Monogamy is not necessarily human nature. I have a friend, she is a bisexual single mom, who is a strict polygamist. Not that she lives on an FLDS compound, but that she is honest enough with her lovers and more serious relationships to say to them, "look, I don't believe in monogamy." In other words, she knows that she will need sexual fulfillment outside of any relationship she may have, and has the self-awareness and courage to tell the truth from the get go. I think this kind of honesty is lacking in many relationships, primarily because of social constraints and learned guilt responses that have us terrified of unconventional sexual encounters, whether gay, deviant, extramarital, or all of the above.
How many marriages could be improved with more honesty, trust, openness, and willingness to try to understand someone's perspective not viewed through our own personal kaleidescope of judgment? One of my favorite bloggers, Anginae, is dealing with lots of confusion and guilt since her husband came out to her, and I commend her willingness to try to step outside of herself to analyze the situation. It is probably this rare ability to interpret her husband's feelings detached from her own that has saved their marriage so far. Many others with a shallow understanding might have already filed for divorce!
Spouses who find their significant others "cheating" online might do well to try to put their own feelings aside, take a few steps back, and glean some perspective. If not seen through our own fogged lens of jealousy, we might be able to learn more about our mate, delve deeper into who they really are, offering support and understanding so that they feel completely comfortable telling us that they have been having gay fantasies, or that they want to deflower the babysitter; or how she fantasizes about the gardener fucking her in the dirt behind the bushes. Often times it is the taboo that is the most magnetic, especially for those that are severely repressed. It's a classic vicious cycle.
So many people are unknowingly kept unhappy because they can't express their sexual fantasies out of fear of repulsion, rejection, and reprisal. I believe that to have true honestly, openness and understanding in a relationship, we need to commit to know our significant others on their own terms, through their own eyes and not just ours. As for the "cheating" aspect, how much control you exert over your spouse directly reflects your own level of insecurity. Control amounts to selfishness, as we view our own needs of how we want someone else to be as more important than who that person really is, and limits our ability to love that person for who they really are. How can we truly know them if we fabricate our own mental barriers around them?
A friend of mine is married but has probably the world's most wandering eyes. He points out hot women constantly, and his wife is no ugly duckling, but still his eyes wander lustfully. I asked him once, "doesn't Amy get upset with you scoping out other women all the time?"
"Nope." He explained, "she knows who I am and knew what she was getting into when we got married. Besides, my philosophy is that it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home." Amy knew that the more looking her husband did, the hornier he got, and the more vigorous fucking she was going to get once they got home. Talk about trust and a higher understanding!
I've heard here and there, read blogs and posts on the internet, about spouses who are worried that their significant other is "cheating" on the internet via porn surfing, flirtatious chat, cybersex, or what have you. Once they find out that he or she really is doing it, the guilty feelings are projected inward and internalized. It becomes the cuckold's fault that the other went looking elsewhere, because they alone weren't good enough for them. I think that this is a trap that many of us fall into: distilling someone else's feelings through our own viewpoint, not able to see that each person is an individual driven by their own needs and desires. To further my point, how many of us make all of our decisions initially based solely on someone else? None perhaps except for a mother and her child. Marriage is a union between two individuals. And individuals, at the most basic level, are always driven by survival and self-preservation. Being considerate of others is a learned behavior, not instinctual.
Monogamy is not necessarily human nature. I have a friend, she is a bisexual single mom, who is a strict polygamist. Not that she lives on an FLDS compound, but that she is honest enough with her lovers and more serious relationships to say to them, "look, I don't believe in monogamy." In other words, she knows that she will need sexual fulfillment outside of any relationship she may have, and has the self-awareness and courage to tell the truth from the get go. I think this kind of honesty is lacking in many relationships, primarily because of social constraints and learned guilt responses that have us terrified of unconventional sexual encounters, whether gay, deviant, extramarital, or all of the above.
How many marriages could be improved with more honesty, trust, openness, and willingness to try to understand someone's perspective not viewed through our own personal kaleidescope of judgment? One of my favorite bloggers, Anginae, is dealing with lots of confusion and guilt since her husband came out to her, and I commend her willingness to try to step outside of herself to analyze the situation. It is probably this rare ability to interpret her husband's feelings detached from her own that has saved their marriage so far. Many others with a shallow understanding might have already filed for divorce!
Spouses who find their significant others "cheating" online might do well to try to put their own feelings aside, take a few steps back, and glean some perspective. If not seen through our own fogged lens of jealousy, we might be able to learn more about our mate, delve deeper into who they really are, offering support and understanding so that they feel completely comfortable telling us that they have been having gay fantasies, or that they want to deflower the babysitter; or how she fantasizes about the gardener fucking her in the dirt behind the bushes. Often times it is the taboo that is the most magnetic, especially for those that are severely repressed. It's a classic vicious cycle.
So many people are unknowingly kept unhappy because they can't express their sexual fantasies out of fear of repulsion, rejection, and reprisal. I believe that to have true honestly, openness and understanding in a relationship, we need to commit to know our significant others on their own terms, through their own eyes and not just ours. As for the "cheating" aspect, how much control you exert over your spouse directly reflects your own level of insecurity. Control amounts to selfishness, as we view our own needs of how we want someone else to be as more important than who that person really is, and limits our ability to love that person for who they really are. How can we truly know them if we fabricate our own mental barriers around them?
Labels:
adult blogs,
bisexuality,
coming out,
gay fantasies,
homophobia,
pornography
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