Introduction to Myself

For the longest time in my life, I worried about whether or not I was gay. I went through phases of denial, whether religious, philosophical, or anger turned inward, but I finally realized that it was my mind that was keeping me from sexual happiness. I was stuck in the false notion that someone is either 100% gay or 100% not gay.

A girlfriend I had in the fall of 2000 caught me by surprise when she said she was attracted to women, too. She said that she didn’t mind me looking at other women, because she was looking at them too and wanted to talk about it later. Though our relationship was short, it was very honest and open. We talked about the 100% “gay or not gay” myth, and she asked me point blank what percentage gay I thought I was, and without thinking I said “30 percent.” I was taken back by my answer, and started to feel ashamed, but she assured me that those feeling were perfectly natural. She said that she was more comfortable with the idea of me cheating on her with a man rather than a woman. She freed me to explore a side of me that had been repressed for too long.