Unknown Missed Opportunity

A long time ago, I think it was 1994, I had just moved to a new town, and I was in a small bar dancing to a rocking local band. Across the stage, there was a really attractive brunette that I was trying to make eye contact with, but she just wasn't looking over my way.

That's when I noticed that a few dudes were crowding the space behind me. At the time I didn't realize they were chicken-hawking me, so I said to one of them that got too close, "wow there's some hot chicks in here, huh."

"Yeah, that's if you like chicks," he replied, and with that they all laughed and made grab-and-thrust fucking motions toward me. Immediately I realized what was going on, and moved away to another part of the bar. They could tell I was flustered and kept laughing and pointing at me, high-fiving each other, obviously psyched that they had gotten-to a straight guy. Being the butt of their joke and the butt of their desires made me feel disrespected, so I left the bar altogether. I wasn't prepared to be hit on by a bunch of obnoxious gay guys, I guess.

A college friend lived in town, she and I were pretty good friends and hung out pretty frequently. We had fooled around in college, but things were strictly platonic now. The next time I saw her, I told her about the incident at the bar. She laughed because it really was funny, and sympathized with my discomfort a bit. She also confided in me that she had always thought I was gay. She was bisexual and claimed to have a pretty accurate gaydar. She said there were other guys in my class year that she had predicted to be gay, that they had indeed come out afterward. She said I was the only one that she was wrong about.

I assured her that I wasn't gay, but in the back of my mind I still knew that I wasn't exactly sure of it. I never told her about any of the urges that I really did have in college, and to this day I don't know if my denials were even convincing to her. Could she really have seen that flicker of gay in me? It made me feel uncomfortable, because at the time I was in such a solid state of denial about my sexuality.

It's a shame, too. Aside from the fact that the guy who said that to me that night looked like Tony Little - CREEPY! - I might have had more fun in that situation. I might have even gotten to get some free drinks, played these guys out a bit, maybe even taken one of them home. Problem was I was too uptight to face my own gayness and just relax and have a bit of fun with it.

It was a lost opportunity and I didn't even know it.

HNT Again!

Starting to look forward to this every week. Anyone got some good HNT that I should know about?

Yeah So I Like Small Tits

I just don't understand the fascination in our society with large breasts. Sure large breasts are great, but small ones are better. Way better. I can't say I know everything about 'em, but personal experience has indicated that small tits have greater sensitivity, a greater contrast of shape and size when aroused. Little tits are a treasured and delicate treat, particularly now that they have become so underappreciated and rare, especially in straight porn where it seems every starlet has silicone implants.

If I was starting a relationship with a woman with fake tits, it would immediately be an irreconcilable difference. I'm just not into it, anymore than I'd be into a guy with pectoral implants or collagen lips. The truth is that natural beauty is best, and the thought of fake, hard bags under someone's skin makes my dick shrivel up and run for cover. Viagra wouldn't even help.

It is a shame that women get so bombarded with images of "the ideal woman" day in and day out, that they soon start to devalue their own natural breasts. After all, if nearly every famous woman has fake tits, then it stands to reason that you need them to be famous, and since you have to be pretty to be famous, you must have to have fake tits to be pretty.

Bullshit!

Augmented breasts generally bolster a manufactured self worth. I once happened to overhear a conversation at a wedding, a plastic surgeon's wife was talking to a group of about ten female friends. She told them that her augmentation made her feel more confident, more womanly, more sexy. Her friends all chimed in accord. After hearing this I honestly felt disturbed. Was that whole group of gorgeous women really that shallow? I wondered how it couldn't be obvious that her REAL tits were inherently more womanly than twin bags of liquid plastic? How can a silicone balloon possibly be more feminine than a real breast? It didn't and still makes no fucking sense to me whatsoever.

Now, I don't want to insult anyone out there with fake tits. Some women may have no choice. But you ought to know that men make fun of fake breasts and the guys that date them. I seriously don't know of one man who takes fake tits seriously. When I'm at the strip club, for instance, I take extra time to find the only girl who hasn't gone and ruined a perfectly perky pair tits with a scalpel and plastic inserts. I'll tell her too, "you've got the best tits in the place, you're a fucking goddess. All these balloon bags have nothing on you."

So, yes, I do prefer small tits. A cups, B cups, even the "mosquito bite" tits. Put me in a room with ten attractive women and let me choose one, I'll pick the one with the smallest breasts. It's that simple. I just don't know where this big breast fascination came from and why women feel they have to surgically augment themselves to be beautiful. It's a mammagraphic crime, a cruel joke taken out on us guys who really do like small tops, despite what society tries to force down our women's proverbial throats.

If there are any women out there considering breast implants, please hear my plea. It's totally gross, not sexy or attractive, and accentuates nothing but your low self esteem. You may think that there are no men out there who'd like your tiny chest just the way it is, but I can tell you that based on experience, small breasts rule!

Save your money. Keep 'em real. Let's put an end to this unhealthy body image and admire all women for the breast size they have, not the size they think they have been told that they should have. Natural is always better than artificial anyway. Think about it.

OBSERVATION: A woman's brain and breasts are the only parts of her body you can't say are small without pissing her off.

New Pornos Reviewed

I got my pornos that I ordered about 10 days ago. I'm pretty happy with them.

Leather Half Off is probably my favorite of the three, with lots of hot guys in black leather playing with each other in various scenarios. No bondage or S&M, just leather on skin and guys touching, sucking and fucking. Very nice.

9 Inch Males is pretty decent, but some of the guys are not as well hung as the title would imply, so that was a little disappointing, to be honest. Have to watch this one a little longer and find my favorite scenes.

Secret Bisexual Stories has some hot guys and girls, though is your typical MMF video with largely similar scenes throughout. Just like all my other bisexual pornos, this one stars a bunch of hot Brazilians. There's some really hot chicks with nice small tits and hot men with big dicks, but reading subtitles kind of sucks when you've got your cock out and stroking to the scenes. Kudos to Brazilian culture and their open views of sexuality, though I have to start to wonder if there are any non-foreign bisexual XXX productions out there, because so far I haven't seen any.

Gay DVD Empire has the best prices and service I could find if anyone wants to check these vids out.

Fantasy Fulfillment Services

I talked to my friend more last week about me hiring her as a sex worker. Turns out she's been fantasizing too about what I might hire her to do, so we talked at length about it. And it was exciting! I told her most all of my ideas about what services I might need, and she had a few ideas too. It was funny because one of my requested services was to tie her up and have domain over her pussy for touch/feel, vibrator play, shaving, fisting, whatever my cock desires. Her idea was to tie me up. That wasn't on my list. It sounds good though, and I wouldn't mind paying for dominatrix services, but I have to admit that I'm more interested in a paid submissive.

We hadn't discussed price before, and considering she's a massage therapist and already commands quite an hourly wage, I figured that double her regular fee would be a good place to start. That was before I knew that she charges $75 - $100 an hour for massage! So already we're looking at an expensive fantasy.

In contrast, I know of a sex worker through a friend of mine, and she charges $150 for the whole night. Another friend of mine says he took a stripper home once and paid her $150 an hour for sex. So those seem like bargains compared to my friend's quote. Though when I think back to another friend's bachelor party this summer, I recall paying $150 for a six-song lap dance in the V.I.P. room. Foolish me didn't know that the V.I.P. room isn't where you get "extra" services, and it took that long of dry grinding for me to cum. So by that standard, $150 an hour is cheap!

We didn't make a decision about price, but merely put some figures out there to mull over. She is seeing someone right now, and although she told him that she is strictly non-monogamous, she says he still gets jealous (typical insecure male trying to take ownership of a pussy) and she needs to talk to him about it first. My thoughts are that it's a job and it's her personal business, but I still admire her honesty. Besides I wouldn't want to come between her and a good thing.

I hope we'll be able to come to an agreement, because I'd like to pay her for some sex play, but not sure I want to pay her for sex. I know that sounds weird, but since I've already had sex with her, somehow I feel strange about paying for something that I've gotten for free. It's all the other stuff, the fantasies that are beyond sex, that I want to pay her for. The scenarios and activities that are not normally associated with conventional sex. Like the massage therapist who breaks the rules and jerks me off, the naked yoga instructor, the paid submissive, etc.

Nice Jeans 1

Cock Project Defunct

I have no freaking discipline. About a month ago I posted an entry about a project I wanted to do: take a still shot of my cock every day for a year and then make a little 30 second short film. Well I realized today that I haven't taken a picture for over a month. It's clear I don't have the consistency and/or desire to keep up with it, so the project has been scrapped. Oh well.

Happy HNT!

Yay! Free post Thursdays... no brains required.

I took this picture for an online profile but never posted it.

Fickle Follicles Hate Shaving

I saw some nerdy TV program recently that said that evolutionarily speaking, human skin is most advanced. Apparently our sweat glands are pretty far ahead of the game, and as we learned to live in different climates (by building better shelters, making warmer clothes, etc.) hair adapted to be less and less important to our survival.

In this way, hair is primitive. Makes sense then that most of our hair left over from the evolutionary process is located in primal areas: the pits, the chest, genitals, around the ass hole. [Side note: what benefit to survival does having hair that wraps around your shit logs and gets ripped out by the roots as you push have to mankind, is far beyond me. Intelligent design, my ass! lol]

Anyway, I have a feminist friend who insists that women who shave anything at all [CLARIFICATION: I spoke with her by chance last night, and her theory is for women who haven't NOT ever shaved, therefore they have no basis to make an informed choice... I see her point] are just victims of male-dominated society that falsely equates hairlessness with femininity. But isn't that viewpoint an affront to each woman's individual freedom and personal choice to shave? Are women really only driven subversively by male dominance when it comes to their body image? Is it not beyond the realm of possibility that hair is uncomfortable and some women prefer to be smooth according to their own sensibilities?

And on the flip side, what then about men who prefer to shave their faces? On which undue societal pressure can we blame men's drive to remove their beards? Could we not argue that men shave because their women prefer to kiss a smooth face? Which brings us full circle, what of men who choose to shave their face on their own accord, because they like it that way? Not to mention the comfort factor.

In what other ways, dear reader, can one's hyper-liberal views lead to a hypocritical conservatism?

Fact is women and men can and do shave whatever they want for whatever reason they want all over the world, and have for centuries. By observation, though, not all hair is privy to being shaved, and not all people can shave without dire consequences.

Take for example shaving the pubic area in whatever form. It's done for surgery, vanity, some cultures and tribes do it ritualistically, I've heard even of some modern religions doing it. Probably for most people, shaving their pubes results in red bumps, days of itching and scratching, the stubbly hair being grated back and forth, stuffed into underwear and pants, getting irritated all day with each step and bend. Those who can shave it all bear without discomfort certainly have this author's envy!

Speaking of which, there are only a few parts on my body I can shave without getting a rash. My toes (I know, right?), my face, neck and scalp, my cock and balls, my perineum and asshole. That's it. I tried to shave (I used Nair type depilatory actually) my chest once but it turned to a firepit of ingrown hairs. I shaved my thighs once and it resulted in the same living hell, not worth the days of discomfort for even a second of smooth bliss. I waxed my hairy ass cheeks and regretted it for weeks. Damn it!

I still SO miss my ex girlfriend who could shave it ALL without a bump, itch, or ingrown hair. Her body was an evolutionary step toward having no body hair at all. None of her follicles protested to being shaved, and thus eating her pussy was like diving face-first into a cream pudding pie. You could just get right in to the goods, no comb, curlers or mustache wax required to get the mess out of the way and get to munching! Her pussy was like smooth velvety white chocolate mousse and just as sweet. Wow.

In closing, who is to judge why anyone shaves anything? It's their body and their choice, and though sometimes the hair reacts in unpleasant ways, shouldn't it always be up to the individual? And shouldn't they be allowed to have their own reasons? I say yes. And get to shaving!

What is Bisensuality?

Bisensual. This was a word I thought I made up. Since I've not yet had sex with a man, I didn't feel 100% truthful is naming this blog "Bisexual", because I can't yet be sure that that's where this journey is bringing me.

Since I have fantasies about both men and women, that I masturbate to both gay and straight porn depending on my mood, and since the idea of touching a cock (and maybe doing more) arouses me, I thought I'd go with "Bisensual".

But then I did a Google search on the word and was surprised at the primary results, and not only because I thought I had made up the word. According to most of the search results, bisensual means people who are emotionally or romantically (bot not sexually) attracted both men and women. Hello? Sensuality is physical enjoyment, the word itself is based on the root word "sense" which has little to do with emotions and relationships. The five senses enhance those things, not replace them entirely. So this definition is completely off the mark, in my opinion. The second definition in the results at Urban Dictionary make much more sense to me, though readers have not voted it "up" as much, probably because the definition is far too intellectual for the average moron.

I would argue that bisensuality has absolutely nothing to do with romance. Sensuality can be romantic, true, but we humans have five senses, and emotions isn't one of them! Frustrating that so many people can vote "up" on a definition that's so intellectually bankrupt.

Subversive Rejection Feeds Misogyny

Another post by HyperSexualGirl got me thinking about the battle of the sexes.

Well over a year ago I had the best first date I have ever had. We hit it off, we shared the same philosophies and ideas, same favorite movies, same books, favorite bands and more. I couldn't believe it. Could my luck with women finally be turning around? All hints to the positive.

Before the date even ended, she asked me out on the second date. Unprecedented, I thought, this is new territory and it feels great! But alas, how short the euphoria would last!

The next day upon reflection, how well the date went, how the conversation just flowed, how we had so much in common, I realized that on the date something happened that has never happened to me before. She spoke in language that connected with my soul. The way she formed her sentences, the way she put her words together and the way she expressed her ideas, it turned me on! My heart and mind felt relieved that maybe I had finally found The One. Her personality was truly that attractive to me. I felt so blessed to have met this person!

Resisting the foolish temptation to become her husband in my imagination, and not wanting to seem desperate, I waited until the next day after to call and thank her for a great date. Just a regular message: hey it was great I had an awesome time, looking forward to seeing you again. Not overbearing, not over the top, not over-impassioned, not psycho, just casual.

Contrary to all prominent indicators, however, she never called me back.

Three weeks later she finally emailed me (what could be more cowardly?) saying she got back together with her "ex" and that I was a "great guy" and all that. Now, it's fine for her to get "more serious again" with her ex, but what she doesn't know is that we have mutual friends... And there is no ex!

Was she suffering from an utter lack of integrity? Did she flat-out lie? Was it all because I didn't kiss her after the date? If only she'd tell me the truth. I knew the ex story was BS, and leaving me for three weeks to contemplate why I might be getting blown off after such a great date was just absolute cruelty. Was my time and emotions not even worth a 15-second return phone call?! Apparently not, and it amounted to absolute disrespect.

Despite my determination to not blame all women for the pain and anguish caused me by the few, stuff like this plays tricks on one's mind. It fucks with your self esteem, diminishes your self worth. The guy comes away with nothing positive, nothing constructive, no advice or direction to learn from the experience. The guy is left with nothing more than one big "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and that's only one step away from saying "FUCKING LYING BITCH" and that happens enough times and the next step is "FUCKING WOMEN" because the culmination of experiences has no positive return for your emotional investment. All you get is confusion, wasted time, and the painful conclusion that you must have gotten rejected. The let down is a thousand times worse, because not only are you rejected, but you didn't even get the respect of her honesty, which could have saved you thinking about her so much, all that empty wishing, the hoping beyond hope that it's REAL this time.

In some ways I believe this reactive misogyny has happened to me. I have been deceived and hurt so many times by women: blown off, given the wrong phone number, told "yes" to a date then they drop off the face of the earth... one woman even gave me her boyfriend's phone number! Now it's hard to think of a more dishonest, disrespectful, manipulative, cruel and inhumane way to treat another human being. To use me as an instrument of jealousy, to realize rejection in the form of the threat of violence: "I'll kick your ass for asking out my girlfriend!"

Ladies, understand that by not having the GUTS to tell us men the truth when it comes to how you react to our advances, you are only doing humankind a terrible disservice, and merely making peace and love an even more distant dream. Men who face constant and continuous rejection without courtesy or explanation, become the Hitlers, Kilmer Rouge, and Ted Bundy's of the world.

Yes, women, believe it or not you do have that much power. Please use it wisely, and just be honest with men.

Thanks.

Beautiful Cocks 2

Beautiful Asses 2

New to HNT

I just caught on last week to what HNT is. So here's my first "Half-Nekkid Thursday" for all you blogophiles out there:



I'm sure someone will say that ain't half-naked, but so what. I started this blog in part to post pictures of my cock anyway, so there you go. Happy HNT!

Bi-Curious Poll Results

Nearly sixty percent of voters said they wish this site had more bisexual pics and vids. So of course it got me thinking. They must mean threesomes, MMF (male-male-female). So is that the dominant paradigm in bisexual desires? Is it merely a group-of-three fetish? Do some men gather some form of comfort with having a woman there? Would they stay hard if she left? Would they think they were gay if they did stay hard?

To me, my bisexuality is more about a duality of lust. My attraction for one sex seems to wax and wane, like the phases of the moon. My gayness surges in a tide, then will wither down until only straight sex consumes my fantasies, then will come rushing back. For me, the beauty of bisexuality is the option to sleep with a man or a woman, that both can get me hard and, presumably, get me off and satisfy my lustful cravings. That just feels like it opens so many doors for me, that I don't need to be pigeonholed into a straight or gay category. It feels like goddamn freedom.

Despite my decision to admit my bisexuality to myself, and to continue to be more honest with myself, I still struggle with having to have a label at all. "Bisexual". Does that word exactly describe my shade of gay? Not really. Come to think of it, bisexual can mean a lot of things and describes little. Would a better term for men who only get off on MMF be "trisexual"? Are guys who would sleep with either a guy or girl but not both "polarsexual"? Are people who'd fuck anything, human or animal, "omnisexual"? Are anything-goes group sex participants "polysexual"? All these labels... are they really necessary?

Still Confused and Searching

Even after over a year of self-admittance, even after three months of daily posts on this blog, I’m still confused… what am I? Am I just a desperate straight guy with a bi-curiosity? Am I truly bisexual? Am I gay and just hanging on to the hope of finding a woman? What’s going on here?

I’m glad to have memories throughout my life of gay urges to reflect upon. That makes the fact that they have surfaced so strongly easier to face somehow, like it hasn’t all come on all at once and thus been a surprise to me.

If I was less self aware, I might not recognize my path: from lonely desperation to a narcissist who fell in love with his own cock, which led to the association of cock with arousal and fed my gay fantasies. Still feeling attraction to women, I could only assume that I must be bisexual, but am I?

I don't seem to be entirely turned on by gay sex. In some ways it feels more like an intrigue, like an urge to experience it. When I think about just abandoning women and going all gay, I immediately think of all the things about women that, although I may be jealous of and can’t seem to get, I totally love and could never give up. I end up having to admit to myself that my attraction to men is not as complete as to women, that it doesn't consume my whole being, that I don't simply melt with desire like when I see an attractive woman. I don't feel that deep inner spark, it's more of a fleeting yet permanently real fascination.

I’m not sure if this is because I haven't really experienced it completely or what. I’m not yet familiar with the sounds and smells of gay sex, the tastes and touch, the sinewy, hairy, sweaty male pheromones, the sensual stuff that words can't describe, the ethereal side that I long to have with women, yet seem to have so much trouble getting.

What will my first gay experience bring me? Will it be a release? An awakening? Will I feel fulfillment? Guilt? Disgust? Will I realize that women can't give me love or satisfaction any more than a man? Or that men can’t give me what I really want? Or the other way around?

There’s only one way to know, obviously. In many ways I wish women were as available as men so I wouldn’t feel like I had to turn to men out of desperation for women. It would make it a little clearer, since affection has been so scarce for me in the heterosexual world, it makes me wonder if I’m just adapting my sexuality and fantasies just to be able to get some play.

Hot Gay Sex Video

Way hot video to jump start your week. Got me hard fast, so hot!

New Pornos On The Way

Since my birthday is coming up, I decided to splurge and add a couple gay and bi DVD's to my collection. They shipped last Thursday and should be here any day now. My cock eagerly awaits the jerking it's going to get once they arrive. This is what I ordered:

9 Inch Males - I love to see a cock get pulled out of underwear and swing with heft.

Leather Half Off - Love leather, love gay porn. Enough said.

Secret Bisexual Stories - MMF threesomes, and anything goes. Where do I sign up?


UPDATE: They arrived and I'm enjoying the stimulation so far.

Pussy Envy

Aside from the fact that women control sex, I am jealous of women in many ways. Which is funny, because female friends of mine have said they are jealous of men. The grass is always greener I guess.

Women have curvy hips, framed by soft mammagraphic teardrop breasts of incredible beauty, nipples, neckbones, shoulders. Smaller, less muscular features than men, pretty hands, small feet, sexy knees and elbows. Moreover, women get to have a pussy, a way more complex sex organ than a penis, much less erratic and prone to malfunction, one that could likely keep up with my superfluous sex drive throughout the day.

Women’s bodies are capable of comparatively extreme sensuality, the body interconnected to and fine-tuned with the clitoris, which provides much more intense pleasure than a cock does for a man, and functions for longer than any man can hope to last and yet still be able to cum.

The pussy offers a virtual yacht of ecstasy compared to the drag-race cock: pussy provides a luxurious cruise, good for hours of foreplay and sex, whereas the cock burns all it's fuel in one shot, blows it's engine in a quarter mile and has to be restarted for the next race.

I’m jealous to get fucked in the pussy, to be filled up, to have that superior organ be able to engulf and consume the powerful phallus.

I wish I could be a female stripper, a fantasy I can never fulfill. Even with extensive, irreversible sex-change surgery, medical miracles simply cannot recreate the natural beauty of a woman’s body.

Before I came out to myself, I couldn’t admit that I was jealous that women get to suck cock. Now I’m more comfortable with myself, so that is one thing I can see what it is like, but certainly not from a woman’s perspective.

I’m jealous of Victoria’s Secret, lingerie, sexy dresses and skirts, and having the curves to fill them out! Jealous of makeup and glamour and heels and getting to wear all that in public. Some might say whatever, you can go out in heels if you want, but that's not the whole point - I want to be able to go out in heels as a woman -- without a cock -- to feel that lifting of my hips and curve of my back and the tilting forward and up of my pelvis, turning my non-existent pussy outward. I will never feel that, and that is the root of my jealously of women.

They're so fucking sexy, have so many different outfits and sexy things to wear. The hips, waist, cleavage… the pussy - KAPOW!!! Sha-bam! I've been jealous to have all that since my earliest memories. Even when I was a small boy I noticed how curvy girls’ lower backs and asses were, and I was jealous that I wasn't shaped that way. I had pussy envy.

Lame and Distant but Still Horny

This week's been a struggle to focus energy on this blog. I wanted to be able to have an insightful, meaningful, or deeply personal post at least once a week, but my reservoir of emotions and self-awareness seems to have dried up for the past week.

I haven't really had any profound revelations to share lately, not to mention my wireless router decided to block all traffic and I can't figure out why, so I've been spending less time online because I have to crouch in a corner on a 3-foot LAN cable to log on to the friggin internet. My normal routine of taking the laptop to whatever part of the house or yard that inspires me to write has been replaced by being captive to a cramped, slouchy space with an uncomfortable chair.

I am pleased to report, though, that I talked to a friend this week about fulfilling some fantasies, so that's cool. She's a massage therapist, and she's always very strict about maintaining her professional boundaries. Sex and professional massage don't mix, especially if you want to A) keep your license to practice, and B) stay out of jail. So I wasn't sure how she would react to me asking if I could hire her as a sex worker instead of a massage therapist, I thought she might get pissed. Though, we have talked before and she told me that being a sex worker has always been a fantasy of hers, so I guess I knew she wouldn't be too offended.

My fantasy scenario, well one of them, involves a massage therapist setting, but she breaks the rules (I also want to try this with a man). She doesn't stop at my upper thighs but continues up to the goods. I want to lay stark naked on the massage table, cock hard and sticking straight up, no towels or sheets to cover me. She gets naked, lets me oil up her body and while she massages me, maybe even fondle her pussy, then she climbs up on me and uses her full-body, her tits, cunt, and ass to massage me. Once we're totally oily and I'm hard as stone, she hand-massages all the parts that are normally off limits for a legit massage. Caresses my balls, strokes my cock, fingers my ass, massages my perineum, my prostate, and makes me cum in explosive bursts all over and then rubs it into my skin. For her tip I'd fuck her something fierce.

White Cotton

Shower Fantasy

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Gay Double Facial

Here's a video for your excitement, everyone. The guy in the middle takes his medicine with such aplomb I had to pull out my own stick and get to wanking.

Fetish Sex Party Fantasy

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Subconcious Gay Crush

Fifteen years ago, I had this friend in college, he was a few years younger than me. We used to hang out together, mostly in his room. I'd come over with a bunch of weed and we'd smoke it until it was gone, music loud. At the time I can remember wondering if he was any bit gay or bi, but I never had the balls to ask him. I remember secretly hoping he would come on to me, but I'm not sure I actually acknowledged to this myself. It was more of a secret crush -- a secret even to me.

Five years or so after college, he and his girlfriend came up to visit a few hours north. Later I visited him where he lived, and by then my gay urges had surfaced a bit more, but I was still oblivious to my sexual attraction to men. At the time it was a curious quirk that came and went, nothing that caused me too much concern. Some of the feelings I was having made me wonder if I was gay, but overall my sexual orientation was all straight. All straight porn, straight relationships, straight dreams and fantasies.

Now a full ten years after that, and upon reflection I realize that I had a crush on him. He was very good looking, slightly geeky, a bit effeminate. I knew he dated girls, but in this subconscious way I hoped maybe he had experience with men, and would show me a thing or two. Looking back now, I wish I had talked to him about it.

Today, I still fantasize about him. I imagine that he has a big cock and a smooth chest, and knows how to mentor a newbie gently. To this day I wish he was my first.

Women and the Control of Men

A comment by HyperSexualGirl on one of my recent posts got me thinking about how women control men. She said she found it curious that I was jealous of women's control over men, because she didn't think of it that way. I can respect that and responded in kind; but I also would ask, does someone have to be cognizant of control to have it? I would have to argue a resounding no.

The way straight guys act around women is cold, hard evidence that they are under control like puppets on a string. At the bars, men encircle single women with attention, each hoping to get a piece of action, and it is she who decides who is going to get it, if any of them at all. She decides. Under these circumstances, who is in control? Who holds the power?

Straight men, whether married, single, or in a relationship, all act completely different around their buddies than they do in front of women. Why? Because they know if they say something piggish they might not be getting laid for a while. Again, men's behavior indicates they are manipulated by the chance of getting some pussy.

Need more examples? Guys do stupid, stupid things to try to get laid. Guys will clear their schedule if it means they have a chance at hooking up. They'll drive 400 miles. They'll spend hundreds at the bar or on a date. Think of it this way, have you ever seen a hot woman on the side of the road with car trouble? Ten guys will inevitably be clambering over each other to help her first. Because they are nice? Ha! Just put a regular Joe on the side of the road and see how fast he gets help. Women control men. Period.

How else do women use the prospect of sex to gain benefits in countless situations? Ladies Night no cover, getting bought drinks, passing out fake phone numbers, it's all a ruse to manipulate and control men. Some women are very verbal about their abuse of foolish guys who will shell out for drinks all night long. I have personally overheard them boast of their abilities to keep the drinks flowing from guys they know don't have a chance at any action. The manipulative control can make an innocent bystander completely sick.

Not all women can control all men, though. The factors include two things, and two things only: her relative attractiveness, and his relative attraction to her. Without the attraction, there is no want or need for her pussy, so her power to control him is limited at best. There are certainly other ways that she could make his life hell, but if you're withholding a pussy that he doesn't want, sorry sister, you've got no chips left. And when your sex life is bankrupt, he'll be going to get controlled somewhere else. Maybe a girlfriend or a hooker, who knows, but he's going to get it somewhere. Else.

And what, may I ask, makes strip clubs so popular with men? It's probably not the food, big screen TV's or the great deals on drinks. If women had no power or control over men, the guys sure as hell wouldn't be sitting there bleeding money, getting cock-teased and blue-balled all night, unless of course he can afford enough lap dances to actually get off dry. And that's a double-edged sword, believe me, as it will make a guy ten times hornier than he was before. And men practically become gorillas when they're super horny.

Still need more evidence that women control sex and therefore control men? The fact that rape exists. Don't get me wrong, rape is a terrible crime, my point is that the woman decides whether sex is consensual or not. Even after the fact she could technically decide that she had really said "no," and he had raped her. Even if that's not what happened, it could quickly become, literally, a he-said-she-said case. Now, who is the judge likely to believe? Furthermore, what man could go into a hospital, claiming he was raped last night by a woman, saying, "she fucked me!" They'd congratulate him, give him a ribbon and a pat on the back, and send him on his merry way.

The fact is, women decide who gets laid and when. And after men fall all over themselves trying to impress them with society's ridiculous Cinderella games and knightly expectations, what do they get? You can be certain, if it's anything at all, she controls that decision.

Women control sex. Men want sex. Therefore women control men. Straight men, that is.

Bisexual Porucopia 3

Ass Play Preparations

Yesterday when I was in the shower, after my normal genital shaving routine, I had an overwhelming urge to shave my asshole too.

So I lathered up good and stepped out of the shower, dripping wet, and went into my room. I laid down a towel on the floor and knelt facing away from the mirror. When I leaned over from kneeling and peered between my legs, I could see my entire ass. And I shaved my ass crack, asshole and perineum bare, and returned to the shower to rinse.

Later I rubbed in Vitamin E oil to soothe any razor burn, because it was a really close shave. Feeling my ass and balls so smooth got me horny so I knelt backwards back in front of the mirror and used the oil to massage my asshole and watch at the same time. Soon my pucker hole was relaxed and comfortable and I put in a fingertip, pulling gently, massaging while I stroked my cock. Within no time I came hard on the towel, and felt an urge to have more than just a fingertip in me.

After my self-inflicted massage, I logged on to Desert Pride, and gave in to my desires to train my ass to be fucked. I ordered two butt plugs and two dildos, small and mediums, and instantly got hard again at the excitement of having finally shed my inhibitions by ordering the ass-play items I have been craving.

I will keep updates coming as the items arrive and work their way into my masturbatory exploits.

Favorite Porn Site Dead?

OMG... I'm devastated. My ex-favorite free porn site YouPorn.com is a mess. A couple of days ago they announced that they were switching to new servers that would enhance video performance. Once they did that though, performance went way down! Downloads took forever, and the video was way choppy and low res. "They'll get it together," I thought.

So I log on today and find all of my favorites that I saved are no longer videos, they just have some really poorly translated message that says "All Videos Belongs to Us. Please watch at You Porn.com" but no video for any of my saved favorites. Other videos play, but none of my favorites can be found anymore. Even a search for their title brings up nothing.

Finally, one of my searches ended in a "504 Gateway Time-out" so I guess I'll have to find another flash-based, user-content, totally free porn site. Bummer. RedTube.com looks pretty promising, I'll let you all know.

Beautiful Guys

This ought to give my readers an idea about what type of guy turns me on. I like fit bodies, defined but not bulky, young studs, smooth twinks, shaved balls, nice meat.