How to Fart Like a Girl

I can remember a joke from high school that girls don't fart, they "poof." It wasn't a very good joke, but like all the best jokes it was based on a truism. I always attributed it to social pressures on women to suppress the fact that they have normal bodily functions just like men. It always seemed like they wanted to pretend that they never spit, shit, pissed or puked, as if being ladylike was the antithesis of being just plain human.

Then I shaved the hair from my ass crack, and it quickly became obvious why they do, indeed, poof instead of fart.

Without wanting to be accused of gross generalizations by the PC Police, as part of my theory I must state that women tend to have less body hair. I'm sure there are some women who would know just what I'm talking about when I complain that ass crack hair gets torn out by the roots with a hefty dry shit, but many would say with incredulity, "really?" Yes, really. And it sucks.

Much as I hate having tufts of hair that grapple with bowel movements desperate for liberation, though, I hate not being able to expressively flatulate even more. As a raunch-loving adult male still swayed by third grade humor, a good forced room-clearing fart still cracks me up. I can see myself as a decrepit octogenarian still letting out a devious little chuckle with that most satisfying sound of a good rowdy fart. When it comes to farting, I'll simply never grow up.

Farts become a real disappointment with a shaved ass crack, let me tell ya. No matter how hard you push, they just seem to get lost between the cheeks. There's no vibrato, no reverberation, no satisfying crackle, rumble or crunk. They often just sit there like a bubble trapped under cellophane, like methane stored beneath a lake. At best they might let out a wimpy little sound like a dying duck or a tree frog with laryngitis. They come out as if your ass was under a gag order, unable to pronounce anything more than a pathetic little whimper.

I've often wondered why, if God created evolution, why he didn't let ass crack hair remain with the primates. Now I know: God laughs at farts too!

Zen and the Art of Letting Go

I couldn't count on two hands all the times I've gotten blown off by women and all the ways they've managed to flake out and say without words the "no" that they must have meant to say when I asked them out. I've posted before on this blog about the negative effects that this type of deception has had on my attitude towards women and dating.

So the other night I was at one of my regular bar/restaurants and I noticed a woman working there again who I have not seen in a couple of years. Back then, she was the friend of my best friend's girlfriend, and she approached me one night to say hi. A little bit into the conversation I mentioned one of my favorite activities, snowshoeing, and she said she had never been. Seizing the opportunity, and knowing from her friend that she was single, I asked her if she'd like to go with me. "Yeah, that sounds fun," she said, and I got her phone number to get the date figured out and take this gorgeous woman up into the mountains for the beauty and serenity that only snowshoeing can bring. Only problem was, she must have meant, "oh you mean with you? Hell no!" because she never even had the courtesy to call me back.

So imagine my surprise to see her working at the place again, and it suddenly brought up the bitter memory of the subversive rejection that she callously dished out those few years ago. Our eyes met for a second and she seemed to recognize me, but she was sure to avoid me it seemed, making her way around the restaurant being sure to always have her back turned and to never walk past my table. Crazy thing was, that I realized at that moment that I had forgotten all about her. I couldn't even remember her name. So thankfully I was spared the embarrassment of having to talk to her, and she was spared the guilt of having to face up to her flakiness, but it definitely got me thinking.

I realized that in forgetting her altogether, I had been freed of the pain of the silent rejection she handed down those years ago. I had been able to toss her onto my forgotten pile, and seeing her again was difficult because it brought up all that residual pain of rejection. I wanted to flag her down and say, "hey how come you never called me back, bitch?" but I figured the sooner I could forget about her again the better.

Am I Becoming Less Gay?

I just took this gayness test for the second time last night just for fun. I'm not sure I fully believe the accuracy or the practicality of such a test, but it is kind of entertaining nonetheless. Go check it out if you're interested.

The first time I took it several months ago, it said I was 56% gay. This time, though, it said I am 53% gay. I think I know where the discrepancy came from, it's probably the question about using soap or facial scrub to wash my face. Since the economy tanked, the facial scrub was one of the first things to get eliminated from the budget. So would I be more gay if money was more available? Just goes to show the ridiculousness of this type of test. With only two answers for each question, sometimes neither one seems completely correct.

Regardless, I think it's pretty interesting that I'm scoring right above 50% on this test, which is where I would expect the score to be for a bisexual person. Although this gay test says I'm 36% gay, probably because over half the answers I was like, "huh? How the hell would I know what movies Liza Minelli was in?" Seems to me out of the two tests, the first one makes much more sense, as the questions aren't so obvious which ones are going to increase the gay quotient.

It's actually been a couple of weeks since I even jerked off to gay porn. Lately I've been porn surfing for straight stuff, namely looking for videos of college-age chicks with small tits strip dancing and getting down, letting their fingers do the talking. Also, since my DVD player on my computer friggin' broke (damn am I pissed) I haven't gone and picked out a selection from my gay porno stash. I do have a regular DVD player, but all those pornos have like 15 minutes of ads and previews before it even gets to the menu, whereas my computer just cuts to the chase and picks up the DVD right where you left off, so it gets straight to the goods right away. Worst thing is to wait for the stupid FBI copyright statement and dumb previews about long-defunct 900 numbers while you got your dick in hand, ready to stroke. I just don't have the patience for that. When it's time to whack off - step aside people.

Also I wonder if the six months or so of blogging about this has gotten me more relaxed, or at least less uptight, and therefore less worried about how gay or not gay I am. Getting positive feedback and support from mainly straight guys who fuck men on occasion, and that they don't let labels control their self image, probably has changed my viewpoint a bit, too.

Don't matter though, 'cause I still want to go get some dick and see what that's really like.

Ultimate Christmas Wishlist

I just blew my Christmas money on Amazon and I'm pretty psyched. I have a private wish list full of crossdressing stuff and I ordered a bunch of items that I've been wanting for a while. I doubt I'll wear this stuff out in public anytime soon, but a lot of the time I'm hanging out at home I just have this urge to wear dresses and girlie shit.

So I just got a razorback dress and a pleated skirt. I got lacetop stockings and crotchless panties. I ordered a pair of 5" mary janes and ruffle anklet socks. I got a waist cincher and a cupless corset. Vinyl gloves and a leather collar.

Hell yeah. Watch out for some HNT action in my new stuff, everyone.

The Elusive Deep Post

Not sure what's up lately, but I just don't feel that deep or insightful with my posts anymore. It's funny too because I know there's a lot more topics and personal subjects that I want to talk about, but lately I just don't feel all that inspired to write. I haven't written a fantasy story in a couple months, and I've still managed to let my shyness overwhelm my urge to go out to a gay bar.

Something kinda cool happened in the airport though on my way to the holidays with the family. I was at a pub in the airport terminal waiting for my flight, and there was this pretty obviously gay waiter - he was kinda cute, looked about my age maybe older, and had nice pecs and arms that I could see from under his tight polo shirt. Well the waiter asked the bartender for change, and the guy totally blew him off, saying, "I don't have time for that," and just walked away from him, looking for something to do to look busy. This clearly made the waiter upset, cause he huffed and sighed like he was just fed up with this asshole bartender. I dunno if the bartender is homophobic or what - hell I don't really even know for sure if the waiter is gay, but he did have an effeminate voice and a sweet, tender way about him. The bar wasn't even that packed, so I figured the bartender's excuse was bullshit, and there must be some tension between these two. Though, granted, I was only sitting there for one beer so what the hell do I know?

Anyway, once I paid for my beer I felt bad for the waiter because obviously the bartender's attitude was getting him down. So I took the change over to him and said, "hey, I overheard that guy say he didn't have time to give you change, which is obviously total bullshit, so I thought I'd just give his tip to you, hope that's alright," and I handed him my 100% tip ($5 on a $5 microbrew small-batch beer). His face lit up and he smiled and I was like, "fuck that asshole, don't let him ruin your day." The guy said thanks and took the money.

Not trying to toot my own horn here (see Solo Fellatio lol) but it made me feel good to help someone out no matter how small. It was also fun to flirt a bit and make eye contact with a cute guy. ;)

Toolbelt HNT

Some of My Favorite Quotes

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. -Leo Tolstoy

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. -Plato

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. -Mark Twain

Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

I’d rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth. -Steve McQueen

If you want something for nothing, go jerk off. -Bob Weir

Eat shit, ten million flies can't be wrong! -Anonymous

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. -M.C. Escher

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. -William Blake

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before. -Mae West

Zodiac Sexuality Epiphany

Just a couple of days ago, I added my zodiac signs to my profile. Before that I didn't know what my Chinese year animal was, and once I saw it things made a lot more sense.

It's the rooster. COCK!

That's how I can be sure I'm bisexual - Libra = balance, rooster = cock. It's so simple, it's profound. lol

True Confessions: Why I Watch Football

I watch football from the waist down. I love seeing those beefy bulges bouncing in step, pinballed between huge thighs, hidden by no more than a cup and a shoestring. I love how you can see their jockstraps when they line up, I love how the quarterback gets his hands right up in the center's ass. I watch football for the testosterone, the hefty man-on-man action, the occasional innocent player-to-player slap on the ass. All the legs, asses, bulges and rough-boy wrangling always gets me a bit horny.

100 Things About Me

1. Benny Hamilton is not my real name.

2. I am 39 years old.

3. I love Chopin martinis.

4. I live rich whether I am or not.

5. I love being outdoors.

6. I have been snowboarding for 16 years.

7. I believe I was born this way: a little bit gay.

8. I am tired of judging myself for who I really am.

9. I started this blog to help me overcome my fears.

10. I am usually shy and reserved in crowds.

11. I am an entrepreneur starting my third business.

12. I don't have health or dental insurance.

13. Thirteen is my favorite number.

14. I enjoy the simple things in life.

15. I collect quotes.

16. In my free time I blog, write, compose music, take pictures, do woodworking, leather craft, home repair and nothing at all.

17. I completely renovated my house by myself.

18. I don't like to brag.

19. I am opinionated but respect other's too.

20. I am always up for a good conversation.

21. I get nervous on dates.

22. I hate dating.

23. I go out for a nice juicy steak at least once a week.

24. I dig nerdy TV programs.

25. Cats win me over more than dogs.

26. I don't like it when my cat watches me masturbate.

27. I prefer to be nude.

28. I have struggled to accept that I deserve to be happy.

29. I believe that my life improves with age.

30. I am addicted to negativity and pessimism.

31. I like many different kinds of music.

32. I have taught myself to play drums and piano, but not very well.

33. I can be brutally honest.

34. I long for close, meaningful relationships.

35. I always choose quality over quantity.

36. I prefer to not start sentences with the word "I" - having trouble here.

37. Sometimes I think I'm pretty funny.

38. I try not to take life too seriously.

39. I always avoid absolutes.

40. Irony, sarcasm, and wit are my favorite forms of humor.

41. George Carlin is my favorite comedian.

42. Sometimes I read my unabridged dictionary for fun.

43. I don't really think "pervert" is such a bad word.

44. My sex drive seems like it's always in high gear.

45. I believe the mind is the most powerful erogenous zone.

46. I like to talk about sex.

47. Sometimes I talk too much.

48. When my face is relaxed, I look angry.

49. That helps me play a pretty good poker game.

50. I'm trying to think of 50 more things about me.

51. Golf is my favorite outdoor sport.

52. I want to play golf in the nude.

53. Sometimes I wish I was a woman.

54. I have gender issues.

55. I used to be homophobic.

56. I used to be a Mormon.

57. I used to be brainwashed.

58. I try to beware of the dogmatic now and approach life from the pragmatic.

59. Sometimes I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

60. I like to curse and say offensive things.

61. Sometimes I can be a real asshole.

62. I avoid confrontation, and struggle to say what I really need.

63. As I write this, I have a hangover.

64. I don't always treat my body right.

65. I love to party with close friends.

66. When I party, I smoke pot.

67. Sometimes I smoke too much pot.

68. I can't stand musicals.

69. I like good movies and collect them on DVD.

70. I don't think I'll get a flatscreen TV anytime soon.

71. I'm addicted to buying power tools.

72. Procrastination plagues me.

73. I'm tempted to shred all my credit cards.

74. I've never left a debt unpaid.

75. I believe integrity is the most important quality to have in a person.

76. I'm glad only 25% of this list is left.

77. In my life, I am finally breaking out of my shell.

78. I like to learn new things.

79. I am at a turning point in my life for greater things.

80. I have done a lot of soul searching.

81. Sometimes sappy movies make me cry.

82. I've added more positive words to my everyday vocabulary.

83. I think it's working by bringing me affirmative coincidences.

84. I believe the word "God" includes all religion's gods and everything else in the whole universe.

85. I see beauty everywhere.

86. I am a "visual" person, I see and remember in photographic terms.

87. I like to watch the action during sex.

88. I prefer long sessions of foreplay before sex.

89. I take very short showers.

90. Sometimes I think I'm too skinny.

91. I'll probably go masturbate when I finish this list.

92. I love gay porn.

93. I am so glad I started this blog.

94. I'm going to keep my sexuality mostly to myself for now.

95. I know now more of what makes me happy.

96. Coming out to myself has been a big relief.

97. I wish I had accepted this side of me earlier.

98. I have a lot of good qualities to offer a partner.

99. I'm going to get laid tonight.

100. I hope my 100 things about me wasn't boring.

Who Cares Who Gives The Prayer?!

Man, sure is a lot of stink over Obama's choice to give the invocation at his inauguration. It's a friggin' prayer. I mean, who cares who prays at the stupid ceremony? Sure the guy is a gay-bashing homophobic zealot... but aren't like... ALL CHRISTIANS? I'm sure there's a few out there who aren't, one or two maybe, but finding them might have taken Obama longer than the duration of his presidency!

Certainly, this guy Warren has said some fucked up shit. I'm not denying that. It's Warren that's denying his own inner gay - what could be more obvious? - but he also has a right to his opinion just like you and me. So the guy wants to force his unhappiness on everyone else. So the guy has some antiquated logic. So what? It's just a stupid prayer and besides, last I checked we all have the right to think for ourselves. Including him.

Going batshit crazy and acting like a pack of rabid wolves over the whole thing ain't gonna help either. So just live your life, let goodness come from you and it will come to you. And if some politician has some simple-minded bigot say a prayer - really - WHO CARES?! And if you believe in God, do you really think He's going to ignore your own silent prayer and listen exclusively to this fuck? Gimmie a break. And if you don't believe in God, then who cares who says the prayer?

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Get over it, please?

Opulent Opportunities

Whenever I get back to my quaint little hometown after visiting a big city, always the first thing that comes to mind is, "man, this is fucking sweet!" After all, people from all over the world come to vacation in the city in which I live, so it can't be all that bad, right?

I returned about two weeks ago from my disappointing trip to Houston. Since then I have seen more women in this town than ever before. And the strangest part is that I catch them looking at me with my newly honed observation skills, thanks to my fellow bisexual blogger, Brad. I'm not sure what to think - are there more women? Have mine eyes seen the glory? Were they looking before and I didn't know how to observe? Has this blog helped me find a newfound confidence that exudes from my personality? I'm not sure what it is, but something has changed.

Examples: I got a huge sparkling smile from a new coffee shop girl - am I dreaming? I felt a spark of interest from a tiny Japanese woman who's now the hostess at my most frequented breakfast dive. I busted the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in this town checking me out where she tends bar - and twice in five minutes. I made the shooter girl at the bar blush when I asked her name. And most recently ran into an old friend at the ski mountain who was there with an office colleague - she was totally hot - and when I asked them to join me for a drink, my eyes met hers and it felt like a lightning storm. I played it cool but later my friend, who's happily married, said, "dude she likes you."

Artistic HNT

Self portrait wearing cockrings. I liked the way the composition and contours came out.

Thinking - Ain't It Legal Yet?

Years ago, I groped and fucked my girlfriend in the mornings before she woke up - at her request. She said she absolutely loved to be woken up in the mornings by sex play, and it was true. It was how she wanted to greet the day. She would tell me the night before that she wanted to wake up with me fondling her, with my finger wiggling inside of her pussy, or sometimes she would say that tomorrow she wanted to wake up with my cock inside of her. We were in love, I'm a man - what was I going to say, no?

Only problem was, as I found out later, that this is technically considered rape. She was not the type of person to set me up, to pull the psychobitch switcheroo and call the cops. She just liked to wake up getting fucked by her boyfriend, that's all. Wasn't that her choice and our own private business? Not according to the letter of the law. I guess I just have to trust her not to press charges, huh.

There are fetish and sex-play books that describe a rape-fantasy role-playing scenario for couples. I've browsed and borrowed some books over the years, and it came with reading them that I found out that what my girlfriend had asked me to do was technically illegal. It was a strange moment to realize the implications.

Another girlfriend from earlier in my life had been brutally raped in a foreign country while we were together, and to this day I still fantasize about going to that country and finding the perp to execute my revenge. She and I had a beautiful relationship before her trip, and when she got back she said that the incident had killed her desire to be close to any man. She broke up with me to take the space she needed to put back together her shattered life. She dropped out of college, moved back in with her mom, and later forgot my name when I called to see how she was doing. We never spoke again, but I still think about killing that bastard for what he did to her.

Man Art

Private Arrangement

Times are tough in this bad economy, and apparently more and more women are turning to prostitution to make ends meet. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure why that is illegal in a "free society," so I say more power to them. As the late great George Carlin put it, "Selling is legal, fucking is legal, why isn't selling fucking legal?!"

To that end, my friend came over to talk about me hiring her as a sex worker. I'm looking for NSA sex, open session adult playtime. She has long had a fantasy of working in a brothel in Nevada, so in a way it's a way for us both to explore a fantasy and get some money in her pocket at the same time.

In our discussion of boundaries, expectations, scenario possibilities, time increments and comfort zones, she warmed up to watching some videos online that I had saved for our meeting. Videos of things I wanted to do with her. Some of which she said she'd have to think about.

During one of the videos, I got a big ol' boner. There was a Japanese massage video where this guy really goes to town on a patient in a seemingly legitimate sex clinic in Japan. Apparently, their society is much more relaxed about sex than ours in the United States.



So there we were watching this video, and she and I had just been talking about sex. I love to have my cock and balls naked, and I am such an exhibitionist I just had to ask her, "would it make you uncomfortable if I took out my cock?" and she said, "no."

So I did. I was wearing my black pajama bottoms so I just pulled the elastic waistband under my balls and tucked my shirt in, so just my cock and balls we exposed to the air. I quickly throbbed to an achingly full erection. I lightly stroked the length of my shaft while we watched the video. She said would feel uncomfortable if I brought myself to come, so I just lightly touched myself while we watched.

Soon she'd seen enough of the video, and commented about the way it made her pussy feel - all warm, moist and puffy. We talked a bit more about sex, me there with my cock out and loving every minute in the limelight. She had to leave soon and that she'd think about what arrangements are going to work. I could certainly understand, and was honestly quite ready for her to leave so I could get to stroking one out.

She was sure to mention that she wasn't normally attracted to me and that we otherwise would not be talking about having sex if it weren't for the money. We have had sex before, a couple of years ago, but she said that was from a former crush that is now fulfilled, over and done. I appreciate her honesty, but at the same time it kind of hurt to hear, that you're not attractive to someone anymore.

So I'm not sure I want to pay for the session now - stupid pride - but she is such a longtime close friend who helped me realize my bisexual nature, and we have talked at length about fantasies and really a lot of kinky shit. This could be a perfect opportunity to hire a sex play consultant and get several items checked off my sexual bucket list.

People’s Preconceived Perceptions

I live in a small city with a large art scene and a huge gay population. So there’s no shortage of gallery openings with gay couples frolicking about, but also these gallery openings are well known to be meat market gold for both straight and queer people alike.

So a straight friend and I hit the openings last night in search of some babes. Most of the women ended up being in the bars that we hit along the way, and one of the galleries in particular was completely empty when we came in.

Being a brisk night, the hostess offered us some hot cider and we set about to small talk.

"Chilly night out tonight, but not too bad… quite nice actually," my friend offered.

"Yes it is," the gallery hostess said, "a beautiful night for couples."

"A very nice night," I managed, cracking up inside, had I just heard this woman mistake us for a gay couple? Aw man, I thought, this is too much!

Right then half a dozen other wanderers crowded into the small gallery. I decided to run with it, and began to intently observe the art, chatting with my friend, "look, this one is only $900, but the frame just doesn’t do it for me."

The hostess was apparently hanging on our every word, and chimed in, "we can customize any frame to your liking."

"Oh of course, thank you," I replied, and we promptly left for another gallery, making our way to a bar up the street. "A beautiful night for couples," I mocked, and we both had a good laugh over that one.

Her assumptions about my friend and I, were they essentially based in homophobia? Did she make a generalization about two men together in the same way she might stereotype some ethnic minority that came in? Was her statement about couples an opportunity to experience the bias of a homophobic world? What would her assumption be if my friend had been a woman? Or even black or Hispanic for that matter? What would her construed reaction be? Would her words reveal the same subtext?

Nice Musscles

True Confessions: Outdoor Masturbator

Whenever I go for a hike in the woods, the supreme natural beauty all around me always gets me ridiculously horny. Being naked outside is one of life's great pleasures for me: the sun and wind tickling parts of my body normally forbidden from such enjoyment. There is also a thrilling element to being naked outside: the specter of getting caught.

When I'm in the forest alone, being naked and getting hard with the exposure is pretty much all I can think about. Even to the point of preferring to hike alone, because should the temptation arise, it is a rare hiking buddy that would not object to me pulling out my junk and waxing one out right there in my own special worship of the great outdoors.

There is also the seduction of taboo involved. While in the National Forest, one is essentially in public. I'm sure more than one park ranger (I always think of them as drop-out cops who failed the academy exam, and therefore took a job with similar authority so they could still control and command mere citizens) has delighted in catching someone jerking off outdoors, or maybe having sex, and carting them down to the poky to be booked on sex offense charges.

Which brings me to an important point about sex offenders. Society and the media today throws this label around as if all sex offenders were unrepentant perverts deserving of secondary-citizen status, that they are all borne of the same immoral scourge that threatens our personal safety and, veritably, the very fabric of society itself.

I think that's total bullshit.

A sex offender can be someone who simply got caught pissing on the side of the road, a woman who flashed her breasts at Mardi Gras, a blogger who drove down the highway with his cock in plain view, even the poor hiker who stroked one out while unwittingly caught in the lens of a park ranger's binoculars. It's called "indecent exposure," and for that their lives are gleefully destroyed, them being callously grouped with child pornographers, old-lady rapers, and snuff filmmakers.

"What is pornography to one man is the laughter of genius to another." - D.H. Lawrence

Road Trip HNT

Driving back from Texas last weekend, I explored a long-time fantasy of driving past a gay trucker with my cock out in plain view. When I'm driving long distances, I hate to have to stop and take a piss, so I often attempt to fill a piss bottle without popping out of the spout, pissing all over the interior of the car and making a big mess.

So the first time on the trip that I got out the junk to fill my bottle, of course my cock had other ideas and promptly reminded me of my lingering fantasy. Instead of getting ready to pee, I got a big throbbing boner that felt so thick and full, I thought it might tear out of its skin like a transforming werewolf or The Incredible Hulk.

I drove past several truckers, not even sure if they could see me or what they might think. I fantasized that one saw me and radioed ahead to the next trucker, "NICE COCK ON THE LEFT, GOOD BUDDY." But nothing of the sort seemed to happen. Once I finally got home I jerked off and unleashed an exceptionally large cumload all over my chest.

Driving six hours with a hard on can really make a man super horny! No wonder there's countless porno shops dotted along the freeways throughout the rural Midwest.

Sweet Boxer Briefs

Blogger's Block

Not feelin' it today. Short on subjects and motivation.

Pubic Hair Repulsion Explained

I once dated a redhead woman for about three weeks. It didn't last longer than that because we were so totally honest with each other. After only getting to know each other for that long, we had already figured out that we were both looking for something different than what the other had to offer.

On the first night that we got naked together, she saw that I was shaved and wanted to sit on me naked. Not to fuck me necessarily, but she wanted to feel my smoothness on her pussy. A few minutes into our bare grinding, I asked her if she would let me shave her pussy. She said "no way" without a second thought.

"I'm a natural girl" she said, and pointed out her hairy hippy legs and armpits, as if I hadn't noticed them already.

Later that night as we made our way to the bed, our make out session got a little more heated, and soon I was eating her hairy pussy. Yes, she did have the fire down below in case you're wondering. Her cunt hair was as red as an Arizona sunset.

Much to my chagrin though, one of her extra long, never-shaved pussy hairs got stuck in my throat. Now this has happened to me before, and it always disgusted me, but always before I was able to flush the unruly entanglement out with a gargle. Not this time. In fact, that rogue cunt hair was lodged in my throat for a solid two weeks, even after we had broken up. Every day I tried to get it to wash down: big forceful gulps of water, drinking thicker liquids like orange juice, swallowing chunks of Jello, etc. I went out to eat and ordered the half pound burger, the T-bone steak, the ribeye, ANYTHING heavy enough to dislodge the pubis from my throat. Nothing worked.

Finally after two weeks it went away -- I must have digested it in-situ, because nothing was going to tame that entanglement.

At that moment I vowed to never eat an untrimmed pussy again. GROSS!!!!

Half Asleep Wet Dream

The other night I had a wet dream, which is a rare but nice occurrence for someone my age. I remember hearing about wet dreams, nocturnal emissions, in sex ed class. That they happened naturally and without awareness, that they were caused by the increasing libido of the teenage mind, and that they went away over time.

Thing is, I still have them every few years, and that for me they have always been vivid, semi-conscious hallucinations, half-asleep dreams in which I seem to be fully aware of what's going on, even to the point of knowing that I am dreaming, to the point of being able to actively guide the dream, and even be able to return to the place I left off after waking up, realizing that I am about to come. My mind knows exactly what is happening, and the wet dream will inevitably end up having a situation where I can literally see and feel my cock plunging into whatever beautiful moist warmth that my imagination has crafted for me.

I'm not sure I have ever had a gay wet dream.

My dream the other night was about a woman that I never had. She was a coworker for a few years, and despite our obvious and palpable chemistry, we never hooked up. She is probably the biggest unfulfilled crush of my lifetime. My longing for her was so strong for so many years, watching her being treated like shit over and over by her abusive boyfriend, knowing that I could give her so much more -- but never have her -- is a tragic pain that I carry with me to this very day. She is the ultimate lost opportunity, because we were totally made for each other. Only problem was her severely low self esteem prevented her from not thinking me a liar when I finally told her how great I thought she was. I finally figured out that she needed her asshole boyfriend to confirm how she felt about herself, that he simply fed her poor self image. It was like she needed to be berated to match her own self worth, that a guy like me would just short circuit her mind, because my compliments and affections did not match how she felt about herself. When I told her she was beautiful, she could not believe that I was telling the truth. She is still with that asshole now almost a full decade later.

So I took her in my dreams instead. The other night I looked into her sweet brown eyes, felt the bottomless drop of my gut with the curl of her playful smile, caressed her tender yet firmly built little frame. In my dream, as clear as reality itself, I flipped her over and spread her legs, took my rock hard cock and parted her cunt with my tip, and fucked her on the bed. In the dream I could see her pussy, I could see and feel my cock plunging in and out, I could hear her sweet voice begging me for more. Just as I was about to climax, I half-woke up, and yet still asleep in her arms, still inside of her in my imagination, yet awake enough to have the wherewithal to check to make sure my cock was still tidily tucked into my underwear so as not to soil the sheets, I fell back into sleep -- fell back into her cunt and spurted load after load deep inside of her.

Morning Wood HNT

I'm really loving this HNT business. It feeds my exhibitionist side while still remaining anonymous. It's so flattering when people post positive comments about my cock. The idea that strange men and women are looking at me is so exciting!

Strip Club Diss

Last night I went to the strip club with my friend I'm visiting here in Houston. His wife is out of town so we decided to cut loose a little bit.

We went to the same place that we went for his bachelor party, and I have been there a few times since then on other visits. This time was kind of a rude awakening, though, much different than all the other times I've been there.

The chicks weren't that pretty, ugly by Houston standards in fact, and they were far from friendly. Not one that I went up to on stage came to talk to me afterward, even though they said they would. One that I had asked even put her thumbs in her ears, wiggled her fingers, and stuck out her tongue at me before leaving the stage. Damn.

Then one came up and said, "why are you just sitting here smiling?" and I said, "because this is a happy place, why wouldn't I be smiling?" and she said in a mocking and Forrest Gumpish tone, "duh, there's tits on stage." That kind of pissed me off so I waved my hand in her face and said, "go away" in my most annoyed tone. Never before have I shooed away a chick at the strip club.

I'm pretty blown away by the unfriendly treatment. I don't go to the strip club, pay to get in, pay for dances, and pay too much for weak drinks to get treated like shit. Plain and simple. I get treated like shit by women all day any day FOR FREE, why would I want to pay for it? Christ.

The Gold Cup in Houston, Texas, is now officially the worst strip club I've ever been to. Makes my hometown titty bar seem like heaven on earth. At least the women there are nice, I mean, that's their friggin' job isn't it?

Three more days and I'm outta here. My experiences this time around have been nothing like the other times I've been here. Guess that's a sign to bail on the whole idea of moving here. Fuck it.

Poll Results Defy Expectations

I put up the reader polls to get an idea of what my small reader base is like. What type of person enjoys my blog? Do they have a big cock or no cock at all? Do they masturbate? Enjoy pornography? Do they get enough sex? All subjects I am wildly interested in, and the outcome always surprises me.

The results I've gleaned from a few polls are the exact opposite of what I was expecting. Out of the respondents so far, only 10% are gay, 30% are bisexual, and the rest are straight. I did not predict this result!

Are there any straight men visiting my site regularly? If so, I got news for you: you're not straight.

If any of my straight visitors are ladies, are you free tonight? ;-)

Keith Olberman, True Patriot

I just saw this for the first time last night. It is the most compassionate and rational monologue on the Prop 8 issue that I have ever seen or heard. It is absolutely beautiful, and brought tears to my eyes.

Gay marriage is beyond any doubt an issue of civil rights. I've posted about the subject before, so I won't repeat myself here, but I'd like to offer an observation after reading many of the comments posted on YouTube.

It just confirms my belief that Christians are the most hate filled people of all the world. They claim to follow Jesus Christ, yet they delight in ignoring his most important message: love your enemies. Go back and read your good book, you fools; and try not to overlook the obvious message again as you scour the pages for "proof" that your god hates homosexuals. Realize that you have let your hearts become corrupted by the Great Deceiver, for your paradigm is one of hatred, bile, and poison. By fostering such anger, you have merely become an instrument of Satan. You are the epitome of hypocrisy.

Though I know all about the Christian faith, I don't believe in that dogmatic hogwash anymore. Keeps my heart and mind from becoming clouded with bigotry again.

UPDATE: I don't know what I was thinking, no religious nut bag would even chance upon this blog or this post, unless of course their hypocrisy runs far deeper than I imagined. This did get me thinking though, that most of the world's problems today are caused by religion, either directly or indirectly.