Sunday, November 30, 2008

Houston Opportunities: Update

Well, I found the place that's my cover story, a sports bar where women go to pick up men (can you believe it?!). The odds still weren't that great though. Not counting the obvious couples, the ratio was maybe 3:1, men to women. Can't complain though, because those numbers beat my hometown odds by a factor of ten. Now if only I had the ability to be that jackass who hits on every woman in the bar.

Tonight I had the perfect opportunity to come out to my friends that I'm staying with here (though as I've said before, I think it would be wise to have a gay experience first before making such an extraordinary declaration about my lifestyle) when they mentioned their bisexual friend again. I almost said, "I want to meet him." Which would have been just as well to get them off my back, because they were grilling me about meeting a woman.

I do appreciate my friends' concern that I am alone, and I appreciate them wanting to help me figure out what is holding me back from having more confidence with women. But also I wish they would just leave me the fuck alone about it. It always seems like it's the couple, the man and woman, that can't imagine life as single. It's as if to them life isn't worth living if you don't have a spouse. It's really bullshit and I get sick of it. Do people really think they can't be happy until they find "the one?" Or do they just tell themselves that so they won't just up and admit to themselves that they are truly miserable? It's almost like they want to spread the misery, that no man should be allowed to live his own life... that a life led unmarried is one wasted.

In so many ways, I want to just get it over with and have an experience so I can tell these guys what's really going on. I do feel that their concern for me is genuine, but it would just put the whole "meeting a woman" question to rest. I'd just say that I'm not sure a woman is what I want, and that would relinquish me from having to explain my failures with women, save me from having to drudge over all the bullshit sex roles that the heterosexual world places on people. That men have to be the aggressors. That women have to sit and wait to be approached. That men who are in touch with their feelings are probably gay. I'm just so sick of all the stereotypes and the lines drawn. In so many ways I just want to be free of this struggle, and say "fuck you, I like guys too. SO WHAT."

Also, it might get my friend to cool it with the gay jokes, if he knew he was hurting my feelings.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Urges Surface With Opportunity

I hadn't expected to be an absentee blogger for this whole week, but it turned out that way. I've felt largely uninspired by Houston so far. The job I'm checking out hasn't been what I hoped for. And the pollution has been really getting to me. Not only that, I miss home.

Despite my lack of motivation to blog or anything else this week - aside from my rant about kids brought on by holiday overload - I did feel a tinge of excitement as I googled "houston gay bars" yesterday, and have been looking for the opportunity to get away. Since my friend and his wife don't know I'm bisexual, I also need to find a good cover story, or at least a typical straight bar to say that I went to. But I don't want to go to a typical straight bar. This is about experiencing something new.

So my Google search turned up some encouraging results. Of course there's tons of choices, one is even a leather bar (oh how I wish I had brought my gear!). There are quite a few dance clubs, but one in particular looks to be just my type of place: I like a quiet, mellow, dimly lit bar. When I go out I don't usually want a lot of frantic action or flashy fanfare. I just want a nice classy place to chill out, sip a few martinis, and relax. No techno-throb or DJ's, nothing flamboyant or over the top. Just cool.

Also I really need to see if going to a gay bar lives up to my expectations. I expect that I will get hit on, that I will be approached, which would work perfectly for me because I'm shy and not too good at breaking the ice. As I've bitched about before, what sucks about being a hetero guy is that you have to make all the moves. It's a rare case in a thousand where the woman makes the advance. Most of the times guys have to belly up to the bar and put something out there, because if she's available she's probably just sitting at the bar waiting for someone to have the courage to make an advance. Why she doesn't have the courage to make an advance herself is beyond the point. The point is I want to be the one who gets to sit at the bar sipping my drink while suitors scramble to approach me.

I may well be too vain in assuming that anyone - male or female - would be interested in approaching me, and I may be setting myself up for even more despair if my plan fails, in the event that I am unable to attract any interest at all. But I'm willing to give it a try. Because the rejection I've faced in the heterosexual world would turn anyone's heart to stone.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Holiday Rant

I fucking hate kids. Hate 'em. That's probably half the reason I'm interested in men: I'd never have to worry about ending up with kids. Probably half the reason I can't get a woman either.

Why do I hate kids? Too many reasons to list here, so let me just go over the basics.

Kids make adults act like total dumb asses. Goo goo ga ga.

Kids are self centered and annoying (bless their rotten little hearts).

Kids make me have to hear nursery rhymes. I fucking hate nursery rhymes. More repetitive and simple-minded than Top 40 country music, and they stick in your head until suicide is the only way out.

Kids make me lose my appetite during the holidays while they make a fucking mess and fling food all over the place, blowing snot into the turkey, throwing carrots on the carpet, spitting, blowing bubbles, dumping mashed potatoes on their heads while their love-blind parents gush, "isn't that cute." No, it's disgusting.

Goddamn I hate kids, and God help me if I ever end up with one. That is all.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Trip Today Shows Promise

I'm going to Houston for a few weeks on a working vacation. I'll be staying with my best friend and his wife. She's been pretty accepting of me, and my friend and I have been close friends for almost 25 years. He's always supported me no matter what I did, and the last time I was there, about a year ago, we were driving along to go out to eat and they told me about a friend of theirs who had recently gotten a divorce because he had realized that he was bisexual.

At the time, I was just past the point of realizing that and admitting it to myself, and for a split second I thought about coming out to them. It could have been so easy, too. I could have just said, "yeah, I've been dealing with a lot of those same feelings." It wouldn't have been a big deal, it was a perfect segue.

So now I'm going to visit them again. They are encouraging me to get out on my own, too, to go out to places and see the city on my own terms. After all, I might be accepting a job there.

The cool thing is that it's such a gay-friendly city. If I mustered the strength to go out - for I am truly a homebody - I could go to any gay bar or cruise spot that I wanted to. And because I'm in a strange big city, I could do it anonymously. Being there may be the perfect opportunity because I will be away from my small city where chance run-ins and gossip circles abound.

So I had this fantasy of asking my friend for that guy's phone number, the one who came out as bisexual. Then I could let my best friend know about my struggle, and immediately have a local support network to go out and flirt with some guys. I'd love to just talk to this guy about what it was like to come out, how his sex life has changed and is it for the better? Then ask him if he wants to go back to his place and play around, that I'd love to touch his cock. I'm getting stiff just fantasizing about it here!

While I'm away I'll try to keep up with this blog, and I'll definitely keep you all up to date on any adventures, encounters, or conquests along the way.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Strip Club Bliss

I went to the strip club during the daytime again yesterday. This time it was great. I only saw a few of the girls that were there last week, so it was nice to see some fresh faces. Amazingly, this time there were only a couple of girls there with fake tits. All the other girls had nice small natural tits. I was in heaven!

As usual, I let about a half hour go by, maybe ten songs, to give the ladies a chance to make the rounds and complete the circuit. As I've mentioned before, I like to get a good sampling of who's there that day so I can pick my lap dance wisely. I figure if I'm going to pay for some attention, it might as well be from a woman who wouldn't regularly give me the time of day. Half the fun at the club for me is getting to talk to such gorgeous ladies.

After about a half hour of ladies paraded across the stage, I set my sights on two dancers to make my choice. They both had incredibly smooth skin, nice proportional hips, and the little B-cups that I love so much. Most of the time, I'll let them know I'm interested by coming up to the stage, getting a little booty shake, tits in my face, a leg spread, then tuck a dollar under her g-string. If I know she's the one, I'll tuck a fiver and say, "come talk to me." Out of the two that I had narrowed out, of course I went for the younger one, but not only because of that, you see, this girl could dance! She had rhythm and moves, and best of all, she could do the splits like there was no tomorrow.

It can safely be said that any man with a hint of hetero goes nuts for a woman who can do the splits.

I ended up getting six songs from her. All at once. After the first song I was like, "don't stop" and then by the fourth song I knew she could make me come. She had unbuttoned my shirt, was fingering my chest hair, pinching my nipples. She let me tuck my thumbs under her g-string as she grinded her pussy into my throbbing bulge. She did back bends, the splits on my cock, teased me with her lips just a breath away from mine, all the while I could feel the pressure building.

Halfway through the last song I unloaded bursts of hot cum into my pants. I was lucky that I had been tucked a bit to the side, because with my shirt open, if I had been sticking straight up I would have come all over her. I would have preferred that, but I'm sure it would have caused a scene, probably ending in the bouncers beating me to a pulp.

Her perfume was so strong that even after I got home, washed my clothes and took a shower, I could still smell it on me. Sleeping throughout the night last night, her smell mingled with my imagination, and I dreamt of sweet summer days with my new 19-year-old stripper girlfriend. Sometimes you just don't want to wake up!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Cunnilingus

I love to eat pussy. Good healthy pussy, that is. The more natural and organic foods she eats, the sweeter the nectar, typically. Yeast infections or pH imbalance aside, not all pussy tastes good. Some sweet, some tangy, but the most important factor is how well her pheromones mesh with yours.

The last time I had sex with one of my lovers, I could not complete the task. We were rushed and I lost my erection. Later I decided it was because there was not enough foreplay. I wanted to play with her pussy too, not just fuck it.

Eating pussy well is, well, easy. Just think dunking for apples, think pie eating contest. The first order of business is to forget all you've seen in straight pornos. Guys in pornos eat pussy like it's poison. A few licks up, a few licks down, stick your tongue out as far ass possible so you don't have to get your face close. Remember that pornos aren't trying to show you how to eat pussy, they're just trying to keep the guy out of the way so you can see the pussy. A good cunt eater knows that it's not what you see but what she feels. So get in there!

Pay attention to her movements and you can get a silent sense of what works for her. Most men don't even know where the clitoris is, and many mistake the urethra for the clit. I'm sure many-a-lady has suffered through a bout of mistaken anatomy, as he went to town on the wrong part. Nice work, Eunice.

Rarely you will find a woman with the courage to give directions, and rarely do you find a man who can take them. But careful attention to her details, and perhaps a tender question, "does that feel good?" will show her that you're not just going through the motions. Compliment her, say how nice she looks down there, how sweet she tastes, how smooth her skin is. Many women are self conscious about their pussies in general, so a genuine compliment can go a long way to enhance her enjoyment. It's good to remember that women's erotic triggers are different than men's. Find out what they are, and commit them to memory.

Some men do not enjoy cunnilingus. That's fine, but I suspect they are not practicing on the healthiest pussy, or perhaps the chemical mix with their own body is just wrong. I feel sorry for these guys, because an hour or two at the trough can be sweet slippery bliss. I have been with a woman where her pussy was so incredible, I feasted at the banquet table for quite some time, came on my own without her knowing, got hard again and slipped on a condom. When she was about to go mad with desire and asked if I had a condom, I was already locked and loaded and shoved my dick right in without hesitation. She was in the director's chair, and it made for great sex.

A mastering of cunnilingus is easy with patience and persistence. Take directions. Pay attention to detail. Bury your face in there, find the right zones with her help and don't stop until she's trembling like thunder.

Monday, November 17, 2008

True Confessions: I Steal Panties

I'm that pervert you hear about that steals panties from the laundromat. When your girlfriend goes naked in the hot tub at the party, chances are her panties will disappear from the bathroom, and I'll be on my way home to jerk off all over them.

The first time I gave into my urges to take a pair of panties was at a laundromat in Wyoming. A young woman had left her intimates in the dryer unattended, and as I sat across from her stuff, I noticed a silk black lace pantie tumbling among her cotton undies and bras. Acting like I was doing something I was supposed to, I got up and fished it out before she got back. Soon she returned, piled her stuff into a hamper basket and left, her panties hidden away in my pocket. It was so thrilling I went home and put them on under my clothes, and came back for my laundry later. Though I probably deserved it, no one stole my underwear while I was gone.

Thus started a long history of pantie thievery. I've stolen them at hot tub parties, out of drawers while in strangers homes, from the hamper at parties, anyplace I see a pair and know I can get it in my pocket without anyone seeing.

I've been able to stop, or at least slow down, because I've seen the news reports, "Panty Thief Caught" and they probably are sex offenders now. Grand Theft Panty, I guess. The last time I stole a pair was about six months ago and really pretty risky, because it was my friend's wife's panties, and it was right in front of him. His dog, who is well-known to eat panties out of the hamper, had dragged them out into the hallway and I bent down and grabbed them up. I figured they'd just think he ate another pair and forget about it. Hopefully they did. The light was low and I don't know to this day if he saw me or not.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Gay Club Outsider

I wonder if there is discrimination in the gay world against bisexuals. Are they seen as half-assed turncoats who want their cake and eat it too? For some gay people, coming out has meant rejection from their own family, and they may have made huge sacrifices in their lives and suffered persecution, while the bisexual gets to dabble and experiment privately, but can perhaps more easily maintain the outward public appearance of "normalcy".

My basis for this pondering was an interaction I had on IMVU. I was at a gay virtual club flirting with some guys and it came up I was bi. They asked me to leave, saying I wasn't really queer. It was like they were against me still being attracted to women, and for being confused and in the closet. They made it out like I wasn't someone who had paid his dues, that I was just greedily grazing from the sexual banquet, too afraid to commit to the gay lifestyle. It kinda sucked to get kicked out for not being queer enough.

It started me thinking that bisexual men are not allowed to have an authentic sexual identity. They're just confused or curious or experimenting, they're really gay but are just greedy double-dippers, or whatever. I'm kind of getting tired of the way people treat bisexuality, and I haven't even come out yet! I totally agree with orange108 that coming out would be easier if the world wasn't so anti-gay. That's how I feel about having all these permanent bisexual feelings, and how much easier it would be if there was more acceptance.

There's so little general understanding of gayness. You see an effeminate man and think "oh he's gay" - or see a butch woman and say "oh she's a lesbian". They get categorized for their behavior, easily defined and easier to grasp for ignorant people. How do bisexuals act? There doesn't seem to be an easy way to single them out or pinpoint how they act, so do gay men see them as cheaters in a tough homophobic world?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A Funny Thing Happened Online

I've noticed before that the more desperate a guy acts around women, the more turned off by him they become. It's a strange dynamic, very similar to a predator/prey relationship. The hunters gather for the kill, and the hunted panic the closer he gets. The successful hunter is the one with the most patience, the one who lays in wait, intentions disguised, then pounces unexpectedly. A successful kill always requires cunning, deception, and skill.

As I've decided to branch out and explore my sexuality, I've been flirting a bit with guys online. Since I'm pretty new at this, I find myself taking the roll of the hunted. Which is fine, because having to always be the aggressor in the heterosexual world can get kind of exhausting. As the prey, you just relax and have them come to you, if you want to be preyed upon, that is.

Being able to sit back, as potential suitors stumble and fall all over themselves, and effortlessly employ selectivity preferences fucking rules. Now I feel the power and privilege that women do as they sit on the throne of sexual dynamics, possible mates paraded in front of them like a carnal banquet, "no, no, no, yes, no, no, no."

It's been a real eye opener to see what men are like when it's clear they are thinking with their dicks, and most notably what my reaction is when they come on so strong, and how similar that reaction is to those that I have gotten from women when desperation has taken control of my brain.

A recent exchange was a prime example of this. A gentleman with nice photos of a thick, juicy cock sent me a few messages saying he liked my profile. After an exchange or two, we started to discuss the possibility of meeting for a tryst. That's when he said, "sounds good, I'm up for anything, I'm free tonight and all this weekend."

Right away I lost interest. "Tonight?!" I thought, "wow, this guy moves fast. Too fast!" And suddenly I felt that deer-in-the-headlights sensation, like I'd been singled out for the kill but like I wasn't ready to be taken. Don't these predators know when to strike and to do it gracefully and subversively? Didn't he know that I was playing the selectivity role and he was supposed to cleverly make it seem like sleeping with him was my idea all along?

Immediately I realized that I was playing that role, that I had become the fickle love interest that had left me so confused with women before. It made me realize that all the women I had pursued but never gotten throughout my life had all acted out of this basic principle of attraction/repulsion. I had come on too strong and extinguished their desire with my advances, and now I was getting a chance to wear the other shoe. To see how a strong advance could diffuse my curiosity in an instant.

Sure seems easier to let the suitors come to me, to pick and choose as I please, rather than to make a fool of myself trying to be the potential mate among the pack of dumb-ass hyenas clambering all over each other, snapping, nipping, yelping, fighting amongst themselves for the tiny scraps of pussy-meat tossed their way.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Califirnia Prop 8 Equals Hatred

If the civil rights movement against inequality in the south had been put to vote, we may still have segregated schools, bathrooms, and buildings today. These types of decisions belong in the US Supreme Court where equality and constitutional rights are guaranteed, not in the living rooms of shallow-minded citizens. A vote for granting a certain segment of society (and not another) equal rights is nothing more than a show of hands for bigotry and ignorance.

All arguments against gay marriage are based on fallacy and fear. And I have heard them all. In fact, I used to believe many of them myself, before I grew to accept my very real and undeniable gay side.

For any of you still clinging to this outdated point of view, here are the major talking points debunked one by one:

"Being gay is a choice."
Well, I can tell you that it's not; but even if it was, is it fair to ban a choice that you don't happen to like? That'd be like banning foie gras because most people think it's gross. But to some it is sublime. To each his own, live and let live.

"Marriage is for man and woman only."
No rights for the transgendered, either. Whether through no "fault" of their own or by choice, right?

"Marriage is for making babies."
So then, we should forbid marriage to people who can't physically have children. And when do we force married couples who don't want kids to divorce? After say, five years? And what about elderly couples who met late in life, should they also be banned from marriage because they're too old to have kids? What about the couple who only wanted one or two kids, should they be forced to make more or get divorced? Naturally, men who have had vasectomies should be forced out of their current marriage, and banned from future marriage if you follow this faulty logic to its end point.

"The Bible forbids homosexuality."
For the sake of argument, let's just say the Bible is a legitimate authority on the subject. I would like to point out, however, that homosexuality is not mentioned in the Ten Commandments. Why not ban all those other things first? How come we don't send people to jail who don't honor their parents? Why not imprison people for graven images? Execute them for not remembering the Sabbath. I'm sure some religious nuts would be all for it, but they forget that their god supposedly gave us free will. So convenient to cherry pick your moral code, isn't it?

"It's gross."
Maybe it is, to you. But obviously you never considered that straight sex might be gross to a gay person.

"Children can't be raised properly in a gay household."
I made the same mistake once, where I repeated this ridiculous notion to a friend who, unbeknown to me, had been raised by a loving, committed, healthy lesbian couple. And yes, he is straight, and yes he is now married, and yes - shocker! - he and his wife are expecting. There was nothing about him that fit my own bigoted viewpoint of whether a gay-raised child could have the skills to be "normal" in our society. So much that I never even suspected him of being the product of such an "unholy" union. Boy, did I sure make an ass out of myself.

"Children need both male and female role models."
Okay then, by that rationale, we should take away the children of single parents. No matter if they split up, or maybe just while he's on tour in Iraq; or maybe they got divorced, maybe one of the parents died. Doesn't matter, because that kid is doomed without both parents, so let's go ahead and ban single parenthood while we're at it, and absentee fathers, and working mothers... in fact let's ban fathers working overtime, and why not ban women working altogether for good measure? Keep the women at home barefoot in the kitchen, right? After all, the moral fiber of our society depends on it.

"Gay couples can't love each other as much as straight couples do."
Sounds like YOU are the one who has a problem with love. Sounds like you are searching so hard to find ways that you can categorize and legitimatize types of love in your own head, that you forgot that love conquers all. I know at least one gay couple who love each other more completely and purely than most all the straight couples I've ever met.

"I'm not against gay unions, just call it something else besides marriage."
Separate but equal is the same twisted logic used by Jim Crow and George Wallace to perpetuate segregation in the south. Remember those dark days in our nation's history? Many of the same arguments against gay marriage were used to deny citizens equal rights for generations. Overcoming these prejudices is what makes this country great.

When people manipulate their world view to fit a narrow perspective, justice and equality suffer.


No government has the right to tell its citizens whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
- Rita Mae Brown

The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.
-Anais Nin

Chastity: the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
- Aldous Huxley

Monday, November 10, 2008

Thoughts On Coming Out

I was at a dinner party last night with good friends, most notably my homophobic friend. His mom was the hostess, and among her best group of friends there is a gay couple. They were there, and know me well. They are accepted in this group, but still are made fun of a little bit. Come to think of it everyone is made fun of a little bit - it's a fun group that likes kidding around.

Anyway I was thinking that it would be a great situation to come out to everyone, with that couple there as support. Like I've said I want to have a gay experience to be sure first. It wouldn't be polite or appropriate to announce, "hey everyone I like to masturbate to both straight and gay porn!" So I must be sure before taking such a drastic step.

Coming out might end up happening by accident. The other day another friend came over and later I noticed that my "Leather Half Off" DVD was in a slightly hidden spot in my office, and he could have easily seen it. A few times ago he was over and I left out "Bang That Teen Pussy v.10" and he saw that and commented on it. The lines between gay, bisexual, and straight porn are starting to become so blurred in my mind, it's hard to remember that most people are pretty uptight about it. I know I used to be.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Friday, November 7, 2008

Strip Club Blues

Since the election, I've been in a pretty good mood. And since I felt a need to celebrate yesterday, I went to my favorite strip club. Most people go at night, for obvious reasons, but I went in the middle of the day. The place is always dark inside, all hints of daylight stamped out like a casino, so in a way it doesn't matter when you go. Honestly, I find the daytime the best time to go, because there's no crowds, and things are usually slow, so the girls have more time to talk.

As per my usual routine, I bellied up to the bar for a few drinks while I looked around to see who's hot and who's not. A dancer with a platinum blond wig, tiny tiny tits, and a really nice body caught my eye early on. After waiting about half an hour for her to make the rounds, give a few lap dances, and schmooze her regular customers, I was ready for a lap dance myself.

Another young woman I hadn't seen yet on stage was giving a few lap dances too. She had a really nice body, incredible ass, and when she came over my way I cast her a big smile. She sat down on my lap and we made small talk for a few songs. She was really cool, but had these huge fake tits. As I've mentioned before, fake tits turn me off, but since her ass was so nice and she knew how to move it. Before we started I said, "do you have a favorite booth?" And she replied, "I think I know what you're saying, but right here is pretty private actually."

During the entire dance, no matter what she did, I didn't feel a single tingle or swell in my shorts. Then she took out her fake tits and rubbed them on my bulge. They felt like two soft rocks, two stiff water balloons, and my cock literally ran for cover. This was a first, because usually being touched by anyone when I'm that horny has my cock standing at attention in two seconds flat, but this time it was my cock that fell flat. I knew fake knockers turned me off, but I didn't know that my dick would react so negatively. It was as if her fake tits made all the rest of her body repulsive to me. I paid her for the dance and said thanks, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had never failed to get hard during a dance before, and that her tits were a real turn-off. I figured that probably a woman with fake tits is pretty insecure about her body, has spent thousands and endured unbearable pain, so the last thing she needs to hear is that the boob job she hoped would increase her appeal in the club has instead decreased my desire to an imperceptible level.

Feeling a little disappointed, I noticed the platinum blond over at the DJ booth and went to talk to her about a lap dance. This is how to know your money's no good at the strip club: She says, "sure honey, but I have to go on stage next and then there's a few guys ahead of you, but I'll come find you after that, I promise." Yeah right. Rejection at the strip club. Nothing could be worse.

So instead I focused my attention to a svelte brunette, and smiled at her each time she walked past me. Finally she stopped and said, "why are you smiling?" So I said, "cause you're fucking hot as hell that's why." And she laughed and sat down. She had such a fine body, nice B-cup tits, thin waist, flawless skin. Her nose was a little big, which gave her that girl-next-door appeal: not outrageously pretty, but oh so cute. I ended up getting three dances from her, but I wasn't able to get off. I wanted to see her pussy, touch it, have her take out my cock and dance on it and jerk me off, but this club is pretty strict. So what I got instead was $60 of frustration and left feeling 100 times hornier than before.

I've heard about people getting a little extra at the strip club, but it has never happened to me.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Perverted Early On

One time when I was maybe eleven or twelve, the family was on a trip to the lake with my brother, my dad and his sister, and her two kids. Out of my two cousins and my brother, only one was a girl, and she was younger than me by about three years.

When we got to the lake, my dad and aunt left us kids in the car and told us to change into our swimsuits. That's when my little cousin said, "look, my vulva!" and I turned around to see her totally naked, legs spread and her fingers parting her pussy lips, showing us all the pink inside.

At the time I didn't know what to think, as I didn't have a sister, and never even dreamed of seeing anything like that before. She must have felt left out, seeing our penises and somehow she felt a need to make sure us boys could see what was fancy about her body, too. It was one of those taboo moments because I knew I was seeing something I wasn't supposed to see, but also that I was seeing something that wasn't supposed to turn me on, bit it did make my dick tingle and bulge a bit, and that felt wrong.

To this day I still have inappropriate feelings toward all three of my girl cousins. Maybe because when she spread her lips that day, I wanted to touch her, and that unresolved urge combined with the taboo has grown into a fetish in my mind.

The more I've tried to repress the early sexual curiosities and perverted thoughts I had as a kid, the stronger they have all become.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Beautiful Trim Jobs 2

I figured why not post some cock pics for election day? After all, we got fucked the last two general elections, so why should this one be any different?









Monday, November 3, 2008

Impossible Sex Drive

My cock just hasn't been able to keep up with my sex drive lately. It's a dilemma, because I have an urge to masturbate nearly all day, but masturbating doesn't make me cum after like the third or fourth time. So throughout the day, despite all the beating and stroking I can apply, I can't seem to get relief. Talk about frustration. I just can't seem to release the pressure, and the chaffing is getting to me. I need to get laid, and whatever I've been trying to achieve to that end ain't working, which adds to the frustration. It's a vicious cycle, and my cock is the unwilling victim.

It's when I feel like my anatomy is failing me that my feelings of gender despair are strongest. If I was a woman, not only would I have this rockin' pussy that I could masturbate for hours, keeping up with my libido; but also it would just be so much easier to get laid. And wishing I was a woman is the most impossible dream, so it makes me feel even more frustrated.