I once rented a room in this large house with a bunch of guys living there. One day one of them said, "dude, Clint's gay."
"Gay?"
"Yeah man I looked in his room and found some fucking gay pornographic material, dude."
"Huh, I didn't know he was gay," I said nonchalantly. I didn't care if Clint was gay or not, but what first concerned me was my roommate's snooping. If he'd been in Clint's room, he'd certainly been in mine. The second thing that concerned me was that I immediately had an urge to go find the material for myself.
Within a day or two I gave in to my urges to go find the stuff. I hated the idea of sneaking into Clint's room, but this was nearly a full decade before I admitted my sexuality, so I hadn't yet wanted to go as so far as to actually buy gay porn, and this was my chance to check it out for free, without obligation. I couldn't resist.
In his closet I found a few photocopies of twinks shaving their assholes. It was kind of wild and kinky, I said to myself, "I didn't know they did that." But it didn't turn me on. Then I found a VHS cassette that said "Wrestling" on it and went to my room with it. I had gone this far so despite the sickening feelings of confusion, I wasn't going to not look at the video.
It started out just two beefy guys wrestling in a small gym. They were wearing typical wrestling trunks but no tops and soon they were wrangling on the floor. "This is weird shit," I thought, "Clint gets off on this kind of stuff?" Then one of the wrestlers spun around and stuffed his crotch in the other guys face and started humping. The match became more sexual, and turned into a domination contest of stuffing the other's face with their bulges through their shorts. Then they took off their shorts.
I couldn't tell if I was repulsed, repelled, or repressed, but I didn't really like it. I didn't get hard. So I put the video away, and figured I wasn't gay.
"Gay?"
"Yeah man I looked in his room and found some fucking gay pornographic material, dude."
"Huh, I didn't know he was gay," I said nonchalantly. I didn't care if Clint was gay or not, but what first concerned me was my roommate's snooping. If he'd been in Clint's room, he'd certainly been in mine. The second thing that concerned me was that I immediately had an urge to go find the material for myself.
Within a day or two I gave in to my urges to go find the stuff. I hated the idea of sneaking into Clint's room, but this was nearly a full decade before I admitted my sexuality, so I hadn't yet wanted to go as so far as to actually buy gay porn, and this was my chance to check it out for free, without obligation. I couldn't resist.
In his closet I found a few photocopies of twinks shaving their assholes. It was kind of wild and kinky, I said to myself, "I didn't know they did that." But it didn't turn me on. Then I found a VHS cassette that said "Wrestling" on it and went to my room with it. I had gone this far so despite the sickening feelings of confusion, I wasn't going to not look at the video.
It started out just two beefy guys wrestling in a small gym. They were wearing typical wrestling trunks but no tops and soon they were wrangling on the floor. "This is weird shit," I thought, "Clint gets off on this kind of stuff?" Then one of the wrestlers spun around and stuffed his crotch in the other guys face and started humping. The match became more sexual, and turned into a domination contest of stuffing the other's face with their bulges through their shorts. Then they took off their shorts.
I couldn't tell if I was repulsed, repelled, or repressed, but I didn't really like it. I didn't get hard. So I put the video away, and figured I wasn't gay.
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