Strip Club Blues

Since the election, I've been in a pretty good mood. And since I felt a need to celebrate yesterday, I went to my favorite strip club. Most people go at night, for obvious reasons, but I went in the middle of the day. The place is always dark inside, all hints of daylight stamped out like a casino, so in a way it doesn't matter when you go. Honestly, I find the daytime the best time to go, because there's no crowds, and things are usually slow, so the girls have more time to talk.

As per my usual routine, I bellied up to the bar for a few drinks while I looked around to see who's hot and who's not. A dancer with a platinum blond wig, tiny tiny tits, and a really nice body caught my eye early on. After waiting about half an hour for her to make the rounds, give a few lap dances, and schmooze her regular customers, I was ready for a lap dance myself.

Another young woman I hadn't seen yet on stage was giving a few lap dances too. She had a really nice body, incredible ass, and when she came over my way I cast her a big smile. She sat down on my lap and we made small talk for a few songs. She was really cool, but had these huge fake tits. As I've mentioned before, fake tits turn me off, but since her ass was so nice and she knew how to move it. Before we started I said, "do you have a favorite booth?" And she replied, "I think I know what you're saying, but right here is pretty private actually."

During the entire dance, no matter what she did, I didn't feel a single tingle or swell in my shorts. Then she took out her fake tits and rubbed them on my bulge. They felt like two soft rocks, two stiff water balloons, and my cock literally ran for cover. This was a first, because usually being touched by anyone when I'm that horny has my cock standing at attention in two seconds flat, but this time it was my cock that fell flat. I knew fake knockers turned me off, but I didn't know that my dick would react so negatively. It was as if her fake tits made all the rest of her body repulsive to me. I paid her for the dance and said thanks, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had never failed to get hard during a dance before, and that her tits were a real turn-off. I figured that probably a woman with fake tits is pretty insecure about her body, has spent thousands and endured unbearable pain, so the last thing she needs to hear is that the boob job she hoped would increase her appeal in the club has instead decreased my desire to an imperceptible level.

Feeling a little disappointed, I noticed the platinum blond over at the DJ booth and went to talk to her about a lap dance. This is how to know your money's no good at the strip club: She says, "sure honey, but I have to go on stage next and then there's a few guys ahead of you, but I'll come find you after that, I promise." Yeah right. Rejection at the strip club. Nothing could be worse.

So instead I focused my attention to a svelte brunette, and smiled at her each time she walked past me. Finally she stopped and said, "why are you smiling?" So I said, "cause you're fucking hot as hell that's why." And she laughed and sat down. She had such a fine body, nice B-cup tits, thin waist, flawless skin. Her nose was a little big, which gave her that girl-next-door appeal: not outrageously pretty, but oh so cute. I ended up getting three dances from her, but I wasn't able to get off. I wanted to see her pussy, touch it, have her take out my cock and dance on it and jerk me off, but this club is pretty strict. So what I got instead was $60 of frustration and left feeling 100 times hornier than before.

I've heard about people getting a little extra at the strip club, but it has never happened to me.

Pussy Envy

Aside from the fact that women control sex, I am jealous of women in many ways. Which is funny, because female friends of mine have said they are jealous of men. The grass is always greener I guess.

Women have curvy hips, framed by soft mammagraphic teardrop breasts of incredible beauty, nipples, neckbones, shoulders. Smaller, less muscular features than men, pretty hands, small feet, sexy knees and elbows. Moreover, women get to have a pussy, a way more complex sex organ than a penis, much less erratic and prone to malfunction, one that could likely keep up with my superfluous sex drive throughout the day.

Women’s bodies are capable of comparatively extreme sensuality, the body interconnected to and fine-tuned with the clitoris, which provides much more intense pleasure than a cock does for a man, and functions for longer than any man can hope to last and yet still be able to cum.

The pussy offers a virtual yacht of ecstasy compared to the drag-race cock: pussy provides a luxurious cruise, good for hours of foreplay and sex, whereas the cock burns all it's fuel in one shot, blows it's engine in a quarter mile and has to be restarted for the next race.

I’m jealous to get fucked in the pussy, to be filled up, to have that superior organ be able to engulf and consume the powerful phallus.

I wish I could be a female stripper, a fantasy I can never fulfill. Even with extensive, irreversible sex-change surgery, medical miracles simply cannot recreate the natural beauty of a woman’s body.

Before I came out to myself, I couldn’t admit that I was jealous that women get to suck cock. Now I’m more comfortable with myself, so that is one thing I can see what it is like, but certainly not from a woman’s perspective.

I’m jealous of Victoria’s Secret, lingerie, sexy dresses and skirts, and having the curves to fill them out! Jealous of makeup and glamour and heels and getting to wear all that in public. Some might say whatever, you can go out in heels if you want, but that's not the whole point - I want to be able to go out in heels as a woman -- without a cock -- to feel that lifting of my hips and curve of my back and the tilting forward and up of my pelvis, turning my non-existent pussy outward. I will never feel that, and that is the root of my jealously of women.

They're so fucking sexy, have so many different outfits and sexy things to wear. The hips, waist, cleavage… the pussy - KAPOW!!! Sha-bam! I've been jealous to have all that since my earliest memories. Even when I was a small boy I noticed how curvy girls’ lower backs and asses were, and I was jealous that I wasn't shaped that way. I had pussy envy.

Forced Objectification

I was thinking more about misogyny and yesterday's post, and decided I had more to say to get my mind around this.

My bad luck with women has led to a total loss of faith in the female species. I keep telling myself that I can't blame all women for the heartache and pain cause by those in the past, and that I need to move on. But the problem is that my relationships with women have only gotten more fake, contrived, and more difficult to understand. Things have not gotten better as I've gotten older, which is contrary to my life philosophy. Life is supposed to improve. Relationships are supposed to grow from one to the next, only that hasn't been the case.

Seven years ago my heart was utterly destroyed by a woman whom I was madly in love with. Her callous, casual way of breaking it off really devalued what we had had together, from my perspective. She did not honor or respect our connection, and the pain from the way she left me has remained unhealed. After seven fucking years, I am still a shell of a man.

Since then I have been unable to secure so much as a second date, let alone have a deep and meaningful relationship to help steer me away from the despair that she left me in. Something to help restore my self confidence, and perhaps most importantly, restore my faith in women. Because from where I'm standing, looking back on this road I have traveled, it would be hard for me to believe any of them had a heart. And that leaves me in this ridiculous state of self-pity, desperately hoping some fantastic woman who truly cares about me will somehow come along, someone who will rescue me like on e-fucking-Harmony. But that is a pipe dream that I cannot continue.

So they see the bitterness and hatred, they see that I am jaded, and they must think, "ahh, no pussy for him." Then they might think to themselves that I objectify women once they see how desperate I am. And women do have this sixth sense for desperation, like dogs can smell fear, and as soon as she notices you staring at her cleavage, or catching a glimpse of other women in the room, she might call you a womanizer, a pig, or a jerk... or maybe she'll slap you, dump her drink over your head. Why not humiliate you? After all, it is her right.

Now this is where my misogynistic feelings really start to boil, when I realize that women objectify themselves, but then demonize men for reacting to it naturally. It is such a double edged sword, yet some men have learned to play the game masterfully. They get pussy by not acting like they want it. They get her to think getting laid was her idea. It's amazing. Only thing is I'm not that guy. That's too dishonest for me, too much of a charade. So instead I end up glancing too much, too often, or too long, at whatever irresistibly sexy part she's got out for display, and then I get placed squarely into the NO PUSSY ZONE.

It's like they're fishing without a hook. They'll tease me with the bait, but they don't really want to catch me. So I get no action once again, go to the strip club and then home to porn surf... and hey guess what, all I'm getting out of the deal is OBJECTS. Is there any question why women are objectified?

On Gayness and Misogyny

Misogyny is defined as the hatred of women. So, what about sexual hatred of women? I had this thought the other day, as I was reflecting on my path to get where I am now with my sexuality. I wondered if my bisexuality is just a natural outcome of my failures with women. Am I so embittered and hurt that I'm intensifying my gay urges, focusing on them, when it's nothing more than pure, unmitigated desperation?

Women always seem threatened by me. I am an intense person, yes, but I think that my outward honesty and the fact that I "wear my emotions on my sleeve" just turns them off. Women have an uncanny way of being able to sniff out my desperation, so it has a snowball effect. The less I get laid, the less chance I have of getting laid. It is one of life's cruel ironies. I don't know if I have an angry or violent vibe (with what I've been through I suppose I do), but I always strike out with women. I have not had a relationship in seven years, though I have been "dating" this whole time, and that's a whole other tragic story too lengthy and off-topic for this post.

A few years ago when I was exploring my inner feelings, mustering the courage to face my gayness, I asked a gay friend of mine how and why he knew he was homosexual. He said, "I'm gay because of my mother." I didn't question his reason, or ask him to go into it further. I wish I had now, because I wonder if his gayness is an expression of misogyny. Did something happen to make him hate his mother, and that hatred now extends to all women? Or was he merely saying that she gave him the "gay gene"? Regardless, the whole idea of blame in being gay doesn't make sense to me anymore. Blame is nothing more than a transference of guilt.

As I become more distanced, more lonely, more desperate, I become less and less attractive to women. This leads to a feeling of helplessness, because each interaction with women becomes worse than the last. Soon I am practically weighing jail time against pussy. Should I just get a whore, or worse, rape my way to satisfaction? With the seemingly impossible task of ever getting any pussy again in my life, cock gets more attractive by the minute.

Cumming On Stuff

This post is for all of you bi guys out there, apologies to my gay friends, here's other posts for your pleasure.



I love to cum on things. Just seeing all that hot juicy cum splash and splooge all over skin, magazines, panties, leather, or lace - it doesn't matter - it's such a turn on. Sometimes I jerk off onto porno mags, whether they be straight or gay. Watching my cum squirt out and land on the pictures takes me away to a fantasy world, where the person in the photo comes alive in my imagination, helping to visualize my jism peppering their skin.





I love a woman that's not afraid of cum, loves to get it all over her tits and will let me cum onto her back, ass, face or pussy, anywhere I want to see it land. Facials in particular have this wonderful domination/submissive element to them. A chick that can keep a smile through that is truly a cum loving whore, in all the best sense of the word.



And ah yes, to cum on a beautiful cunt. Any chick that ever let me cum right onto her pussy was on the pill, otherwise the fear of getting pregnant was always there, not to mention HIV/AIDS, so usually this was off limits. Getting to do that is a rare treat, especially in non-monogamous relationships. Common sense dictates that you wrap it and trap it, but it sure is fun to unleash all that cum right onto a pussy, if she lets you do it.





I also want to see my cum splattered all over some guy's bare ass. I love porn surfing for gay cumshots. It's just so hot to see that milky jizz all over another guy's abs, balls, ass... whatever, just let me see it pooling up while I'm stroking along, ready to shoot my load onto that creamy mess.



It's such a strong fantasy to see my own cum surge out onto some cute guy's shaved asshole. I'm new to this bisexual thing so I don't really get off on hairy asses or big, gaping, greased, fisted, totally blown out asses. I like a puckered, healthy looking pinkstar. Maybe it's just my relative inexperience with them, as I've rimmed only a few female lovers, but I have to be honest, I've never fucked an ass. Two chicks I have dated were into anal, but they both said I was too big to fit. I dunno, I'm only 6.5 inches, so whatever. Anyway, someday I'm going to get to watch my own cum ejaculating out onto some guy's pretty little ass and I'm going to love every minute of it.

Pussy Has Personality!

I'm definitely not gay, I could never swear off women! To me the vagina is an incredibly fascinating organ. Each one as unique as the individual who owns it. Equally as complex, mysterious and intricate as the woman attached. Pussy is truly an enigma.

I've heard gay men and even some women say that vaginas are ugly. Ugly? I suppose orchids are ugly in their own way too. When we are too uptight or unable to understand, must we find negative words to fashion our descriptions? Dan Savage says pussy looks like a "canned ham dropped from ten feet." If that's true, then a split canned ham is entirely beautiful and inherently fuckable.

Ham imagery aside, pussy comes in as many shapes and sizes as there are species in the world, with as many variations of expressive individuality as the populace. This is why I love shaved snatch so very much: I like to be able to see and explore all the details within each beautiful tuck and fold. It's the same reason florists trim thorns and shade leaves from roses. It's all about the presentation and accentuation of the intrinsic beauty underneath the protective layers.

Some women have thick, meaty lips and clitoral hood, wrinkled and protruding. The lips remain tangled together, crumpled and tucked-in throughout the day, yet become gloriously expressed when aroused, opening like a flower. Large pussy lips are fun to play with, suck and tug on, nibble and lick. They can be easily spread wide during cunnilingus, to get at the inner folds and clitoris for unobstructed munching. Some women have such long lips, they can be tied in a knot, while others talk to their plastic surgeon about "fixing" this "problem" area.



Longer lips can be uncomfortable during sex if not properly lubricated. Many a porn scene has been shot with the director oblivious to dryness and discomfort, her outer lips being gripped and pulled into her hole with each thrust. Imagine trying to act turned on when your cunt's being ripped apart by a rubber saw. Meaty lips must be given adequate attention and priming before penetrative sex to ensure that the rest of the organ is on-board and aroused enough to keep the juices flowing properly.

Pussy lips are the silken curtains marking the entrance to moist delights inside, a temptation beyond description. The warm and snug gripping of my shaft, a muscular and fantastic love tunnel, self-lubricating and intensely satisfying. Pussy is aptly designed for fucking, the cock merely an evolutionary byproduct of vaginal pleasure, erected to serve at the delights of the queen goddess.

When I'm hard and inches from a pussy, my erectile longing can be as palpable as hunger, as if my cock had radar, fully cognizant of the blissful plunge into moistened pleasure that is merely a thrust away. Within naked proximity, the cock wants nothing more than to perform its sacred duty: inject a steamy cumload deep within. Cocks know what their purpose in life is: piss when soft, cum when hard. Cocks have an almost binary, far more simplified sexual repertoire than pussy, which desires a far greater range of delicacies, and is hard-wired to countless erogenous zones that span the female body.


Not to be outdone by large lips, and every shape and size in between, slender pussy lips are also incredibly beautiful floral arrangements. Barely tucked away and hidden within, peeking out from between the outer walls like a tiny mountain ridge of flesh. They are a joy to eat, sublime to lick like an ice cream cone, alternating from clit to cunt hole, up and down like a commuter train on skin rails. I love to French kiss and tongue tickle smaller pussy lips. They yield easily when fucked, having less surface area than large lips, making more efficient use of the natural lubricating juices. They're probably less uncomfortable getting fucked when dry, but gentlemen please, be careful! I once had a lover who's svelte little lips had literally been torn by an overeager, dick-stupid boyfriend. Her florette required extra special care and attention, since the tear still gave her pain with any dryness, even so many years later. I could have killed that dumb fuck oaf. Guys, please remember to be kind to pussies, they are powerful yet deceivingly delicate organs, and require service and attention far beyond that of our comparably rudimentary cocks.

Some pussy lips are so subtle, they have hardly any outward appearance at all. I've heard these called hamburger buns, but I don't personally like the term. I can see the resemblance, and I love this kind of pussy, but I prefer descriptions with sexier connotations. Like peach slit. The incredible beauty of this kind of vaginal structure reminds me of the seam of a peach, and when shaved the smoothness is quite similar, being a sweet fuzzy treat, the petite outer lips tucked into the canyon between twin puffy mounds, all the hardware deliciously nestled inside. Yumm.

The vagina is the most beautiful part of a woman's body. The most fascinating and mysterious, most privately held part of all, a wonderfully complex and detailed thing. A lifetime of study could never master the complete understanding and command of such a fantastic and awe inspiring organ. Ladies, your pussies are divinely beautiful, absolutely worthy of worship at the altar. May I please?

Lily's Triangle

I just got off the phone with a former lover. She told me she just started stripping. Damn right girl! She has a smoking hot body, perfect sized tits, knows how to dance, is into porn, so I always wondered why she hadn't been a stripper before. She has this way of never aging. Her body is small and petite, and she always reminds me of the 21 year-old girl I first met way back in '96, even though she is now 33. Now that she's a stripper, I'm tempted to go visit her and get a right proper lap dance!

She first shaved her pussy at my request. I had asked her to do a little femscaping so I could get a better angle at eating her clit. She readily agreed. Later the next day she said, "my pussy's felt things she's never felt before!" The smooth exposed condition of her clit left it vulnerable to casual rubs during normal daily movement, and she was amazed at the clitoral delights she could enjoy during regular moments throughout the day. She was instantly hooked, and as far as I know, she hasn't stopped trimming since.

They way she shapes her pussy hair is just so sexy. She shaves her outer lips, and then wide strips on her bikini line, then shaves off everything above her clit except for one little perfectly shaped triangle. It is a beautiful thing. Her pussy lips are a unique orchid of lovely folds, and when I porn surf and see a cunt like hers it always reminds me of her. The way she trimmed her pussy, the way it looked so pretty, the way it tasted. I remember it having a distinct, strong yet not unpleasant taste, not unlike her personality. She's a strong, independent, wildly sexy woman, and she's got the pussy to match.

She told me just now that she has a committed boyfriend. I have to admit I'm a little disappointed that I won't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid if I go to see her. The thought of not getting to see that meticulously trimmed little snatch of hers makes those miles seem all but too far to drive.

The last time we got to fool around was two years ago. We did see each other last year. I even got us a hotel suite for the night, but somehow she was disinterested in sex. I was absolutely devastated. She cock-blocked me, and jerking off did nothing to squelch the fervor churning in my nuts.

Two years ago, we probably had our most vigorous sex ever, though I didn't get to actually fuck that sweet beautiful pussy of hers. She made me fuck her face, which was great because years ago she had said she would never deep throat. Now here she was, hanging her head off the bed, and I was wearing a metal cockring and hard as a rock, literally fucking her throat, balls against her nose. It was great! Of course I came and that was that, and she went to bed.

I still have unfinished business with her. We were talking about sex before she let me fuck her throat that night, and she said we could stick a vibrator up her ass while I fucked her. We never got to do that, and I'm still holding out fleeting hope that maybe we'll have the chance to fulfill that fantasy. She loves anal sex, but always said my cock was too big for her ass. Whatever, girl.

I'll be moving clear across the country soon, and won't get to see her every year or two anymore. I feel sad that we won't have a chance to be occasional lovers again. Sometimes when we saw each other back in the day, neither of us had gotten laid in a while, and the release and familiarity was a truly wonderful thing. She's a good lay, and my cock fits inside of her cunt hole like hand in glove. And her body just won't quit!

I wish her well in her new relationship, though I would jump at the chance to fuck her again, the fine little package of a woman that she is. She knows I'm bi, so maybe I'll send her this post. Let her know how I really feel. I'm secretly hoping she'll break up with this guy before I take one last road trip up her way, but it's not nice to wish ill will on others. Hey... maybe he's bi too! Yeah right, keep dreaming kid.

Guy Screws Lesbian: Perks and Pitfalls

A couple years ago I met up with a platonic college friend after twelve years. She was attracted to guys in college, and since had become a hardcore lesbian. As far as I knew, she was still totally gay, which was totally cool with me. One night after hanging out and catching up, she was too messed up to drive, and asked if she could stay over for the night.

"Yeah sure," I said. We had been fairly close friends in college, camping pals, even "snuggle buddies," but we had never crossed any sexual border. We were always just strictly friends. Why should this be any different? Especially now that I knew she was gay?

As we're getting ready for bed, she said, "you need to know that I'm feeling attracted to you right now, and I want to get a sense of where you are at with that before we get into bed together."

Um... I'm a friggin' guy. So this kind of stark and honest language pitched my tent immediately.

Dumbfounded, I stumbled out some lame follow up as my dick flooded the control of my brain. My mind was abuzz with hormones and a surge of endorphins at the prospect of getting laid without the commonly required capital outlay, courting rituals, displays, and mind games. Confused by this turn of events, I could barely complete the task of taking my clothes off.

Naked, we got into bed, embraced, entwined our legs, kissed. It was beautiful. She told me sweetly that she hadn't been with a man for ten years, that she really had no idea what to do with a penis, said it was kind of weird to have this appendage sticking out of me.

The feeling of being a fish out of water was mutual. I tried to eat her pussy, but she was totally natural down there, and her pussy hairs on either side of her hole were as long and wiry as an elephant's ear hair! Despondent, I tried in earnest to push them aside, but lost interest as I felt not quite up to the task, convinced that I couldn't possibly satisfy any lesbian with my rudimentary cunnilingus skills, especially in the face of such an unruly minefield of pubic hairs.

But luckily she spoke the golden words, "do you have a condom?" And soon I was showing her the best thing to do with a penis: I fucked her.

Apparently the strap-ons she had been using with her lovers weren't as big as my cock, so a few times I plunged too deep, making her uncomfortable. I like to go balls deep, so this made getting off a bit of a challenge, but I eventually came, and like any gentleman would do, apologized for not being able to get her off, and fell fast asleep.

In the morning, of course, I had to freak out that I fucked my platonic friend, someone I considered practically a sister, and now I felt like I had committed incest. I told her I didn't want to fuck her again; but as it turned out, we would have a few more encounters and she would end up being the one that helped me realize that I am in fact, bisexual.

Genital Grooming

There’s nothing like the feeling of having shaved smooth balls. I’m hooked on it! I also shave the base of my cock, and trim the hair around it and on top. The look and feel of my silken package framed by my other trimmed and sculpted pubes is simply unbeatable.

I first became hooked on trimming my junk years ago, when a lover and I decided to trim and groom together. I got my balls as smooth as I could, while she trimmed and shaved her pussy lips, leaving a small triangle of hair an inch or so above her clit. Her beautiful folds cupped by her thighs, her clitoral hood exposed and peeking out from between her outer lips, and the accent she left on top made it look like a framed work of art. It made eating her out a fine dining experience, because so much more of her pussy could be eaten, as I could get into her lips and folds with my tongue, apply suction, and really lap at her clit without having to struggle to keep her pubic hair out of the way. Pure, unobstructed munching!

Some people worry that the motive for shaving is a prepubescent fantasy. It’s not for me, and even if it was, so what? Two consenting adults shaving their genitals, who cares what their motivation is? If they enjoy it and it brings pleasure to their lovemaking, isn’t that enough to validate the practice? We all remember the innocence of childhood, and those moments of self discovery we all had (or should have had) about our bodies. We experimented with pleasuring ourselves, and at puberty, as our parts began to grow in with hair, I can specifically remember feeling a sense of loss, that all this coarse hair was invading my softest parts. I wanted to stay bald down there!

Once I began to trim myself with regularity, I started to clue in to others shaving habits, or lack thereof. At the gym and the hot springs spa (clothing optional) I began to notice more and more people with carefully groomed areas. It became so commonplace that soon what stood out was the people who weren’t shaving. Men looked like they had teased out afro’s around their penises, just a bushy pile of tangled pubes with their dwarfed little pecker head peeking out. The ungroomed women at the spa started to look like they had huge tufts of extra hair, piled onto pubic bones and thighs like overfilled plates of black spaghetti, spilling out over the sides and onto the floor. The natural state of genitalia began to look as uncivilized and as dirty as the lice infested, dreadlocked, knotted rat’s nest of a homeless man. I became repulsed by pubic hair.

The most notable thing about well-groomed privates, whether male or female, is the pride and revealing nature in which they are presented. I have grown to appreciate the simple beauty of a penis, the delicate floral nature of vaginal curves. These wonderful things, each with so much individuality and character, each totally unique to themselves, deserve to be seen, shown off, and appreciated. Clear away that overgrowth and let your genital beauty shine! Each cock and cunt is its own work of art, a beautiful expression of individuality and self-worth. So shave it and trim it how you please, tame that unruly patch and put your best foot forward! Don’t hide your beautiful privates behind a shaggy fence, but trim back the wilds and show us what you’ve got. Such simple beauty should not be hidden from the world.