Our Third Night

The other night last week with Patrick was only our third night together, but it felt so natural that it could have been our thirteenth or thirtieth night. We have a connection that just makes it so easy to hang out. I don’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else or to fake it in any way. It just is what it is, and we are who we are. What could be more simple and good?

He made me another amazing dinner, lasagna and a killer tossed salad. After dinner I confessed to him that I wasn’t feeling very sexy or sexual that night (or so I thought). I talked to him about the scruffy face issue, that I wasn’t so into it, so he leaned over to brush his face against my lips, “what about now?” he asked. He had done an exquisite job shaving, and I was surprised to find his face really quite soft and smooth.

“Much better,” I sighed with a smile, giving in to a passionate kiss. Wasn’t I going to try to keep my hands off of him? Shit. Well, maybe it’s true, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

I told him about how I didn’t know why, but I liked playing with his cock better when it’s soft, that I’m intimidated by it somehow when it’s hard. That it’s more of a Funky Elephant crush for me at the moment. I don’t know how, but he seemed to understand. If a woman had ever told me that my cock intimidated her, the sexual beast in me would stroll up to the podium in my head and declare, “Fuck. Her. Now.” Because I know what it’s like to be a man, I immediately recognized and respected his ability to show a little restraint.

We talked for about an hour, about all kinds of stuff, whatever came to mind. Of course the conversation steered towards sex, because that seems to always come to mind. And then all of a sudden, Patrick was sucking my cock. Gentle, gentle, gentle, not so rough. I don’t want to be consumed tonight, merely teased. Keep the Electrolux unplugged for now, I’m content to fuck only the off switch tonight.

I just wanted to dabble anytime he was soft, but mostly I kept him out of my mouth for the night. We made out and played around with each others cocks on and off for hours like the other nights. Edging he calls it. Just playing a bit, backing off, playing a bit, backing off. I didn’t know it had a name, I had done it sometimes masturbating when I had the time to jerk off all day, or when I wanted to dump a really huge cumload.

The sex that night was different, detached, more play than passion. Somehow Patrick seemed to be satisfied just worshiping my body, jerking off onto me while I laid back on couch. I’m impressed that he doesn’t seem to have the need to penetrate to get off. As if I’m living pornography for him to speckle with cum splotches. The voyeur/exhibitionist aspect of it is kinda kinky, a real turn on for me.

This time when he jerked off over me, his cumload was the most I’d ever seen him do. I used his cum to lubricate my cock and masturbate. I tried to cum, but I couldn’t. Sigh.

Since I was a total mess, I went to the shower to clean off, and there I kind of started to trip out. “Is my man-crush over? Why can’t I cum? Why do I keep wishing he had a cunt? Why can’t I cum? Is this the bisexual dilemma? What the fuck? Why can’t I cum?”

I fixed something on his computer for him, got his msn email to sound a new email alert – which is very easy to do, I am not bragging about computer skills here ;) - and of course being impressed with my familiarity around the OS, Patrick quickly had his hands all over my body. When he’s touching me, our affections have few limits. So naturally, soon we were both naked again, and he was straddled over me, our balls touching, our dicks entwined as we made out.

He slid down my body and gently took my balls into his mouth, which had always had hurt before, but tonight it felt divine. He carefully sucked my tender balls while I jerked off and came closer and closer to climax. Then he stood up, leaned into me and I pumped our cocks side by side with my knuckles together and finally came, spurting out onto our chests. Patrick collapsed on me, both of us breathing heavily. It was another night to remember.

Another Long and Beautiful Night

When I got to Patrick's last night, I felt much more relaxed and content to be going over to a gay man's house. I can tell he feels totally comfortable with me, because this time when I got to his door, it was left ajar, and knocking on it just swung it open. "Come in honey," I heard my sweet boyfriend say from inside.

He looked great. I guess since we met he has been able to sleep better, and this time he literally looked five years younger than before. I told him that he looked good as we embraced and pecked on the lips. "Bullshit," he said, but I'm sure that he appreciated the compliment. Who wouldn't?

While we hugged and held each other, I put my nose in the crook of his neck and just inhaled his scent like a drug. I always thought, from being in nasty, sweaty locker rooms, that a man would have this gnarly awful smell, too spunky and musky and strong to actually smell good, but not my Patrick. He smells like fresh banana bread muffins straight from the oven, a wonderfully appealing, intoxicating scent.

I took off my pants within the first two minutes of being there. I already had my pajamas on underneath, as I didn't want to waste any time getting comfortable again. I took out my own slippers and robe, and he poked fun at me, "oh God you are so queer to bring your own things." And I grabbed him playfully, pulling him into me while I poked fun back at him, "sweetie, you know how picky I am!"

Our mouths met in a hot, deep kiss. Any inhibitions from the other night about kissing him had flown out the window. He is a great kisser. Attentive, responsive, sensual and very passionate.

Within no time we were snuggling on the couch, nibbling on the hors devours that he had graciously placed on the coffee table for us. Almonds, cashews, turkey slices and crackers. He got me a beer from the fridge and packed a bowl for me to smoke. The man knows how to get me in the mood!

It wasn’t long before our hands were down each other’s pants. The chemistry between us is just so overpowering, when we are together the desire is almost too much to bear. If it weren’t for real life responsibility and the need for sleep, I would never want to leave his place, never want to stop pleasuring each other, never let go of his manly embrace.

“Let’s get naked and go roll around on my bed,” he suggested. “I’m not really in the mood to hot tub tonight.”

“Oh baby please, I really need a soak,” I pleaded, pretending to be sore; but for all my feigning discomfort, I think he knew that I was just trying to get him into that sexy little tub of his again, to relive our first time together, but this time to accept his advances with reckless abandon.

Once in the tub, no time was wasted sucking face with my gorgeous new boyfriend. I leaned into him, pushing him to the other side of the tub. Under the water I spread my legs and arched my back. He grabbed my ass with his muscular hands, tucked his middle finger between my cheeks, cupped my balls. I reached down to feel that his cock was fully hard and I playfully asked him, “how’d that happen?”

He said that making out always got him the hardest. Suddenly timid, I stopped kissing him and we went back to talking and playing touch games under the water. Soon his cock was soft again and I asked him, “what else gets you hard, I don’t know what to do.”

With that he got out of the water and sat on the edge of the tub. “Here,” he teased, “do you know what to do now?”

I gave him a wily smile and a playfully sinful look, floated across the water and immediately took his cock into my mouth. I sucked and swirled, pulled on his foreskin gently with my teeth, blew kisses and licked while his hardening cock bobbled in and out of my willing mouth. In a breath he was hard again and said, “there now little boy, I think you're getting the idea.” But he was getting cold, so he slid back down into the warm water.

A couple minutes later we went back into his house, and I lovingly dried him off with my towel. We went back into his room and grappled together naked on his bed. We touched and toyed with each other, we each put on cockrings and ended up in a sixty-nine. Sideways at first but then he had me lay on my back, and he straddled over my head and rammed my hard-on down his throat. His cock dangled right in my face and I took him into my mouth, into my throat, and he smothered me with his cock, his balls hanging over my nostrils so I couldn't breathe. The surrender to him felt so taboo, so wrong and so right, and I lifted his balls with my hands to take a deep breath, then let them tumble back onto my nose, back to being suffocated by his manhood. It felt so good.

Minutes later he was kneeled over me again and we had each other's hands between our legs, touching each other's assholes, massaging under our balls. We jerked ourselves off together, matching strokes, mano a mano, and soon he was dropping his loaded hot cum globs on my belly, and seeing him shudder with his orgasm sent me into oblivion too, and I came and came onto my belly, onto my chest and neck, flooding his cum with mine.

He collapsed on me and we just mushed the cum between our chests, squirming, mashing the moist and slippery cumfest between us, kissing deeply, moaning with delight.

Looking at the clock, I was surprised to see it wasn't even 11:30, so we went back into the living room again to snuggle and touch on the couch. He made us tea and started a fire, and we warmed each other there watching the flicker of flame together, just talking and joking and laughing again, both of us still bewildered with disbelief that we had even found each other. He recounted the impossibility of our meeting, pointing out that I had posted on craigslist in "men seeking women" and how preposterous it was for him to even be reading those ads in the first place. "Maybe you are a woman, Patrick," I teased, and he just cracked up laughing. "You are so fucking funny," he said, and we laughed with joy at the genius of it all.

Of course in no time my cock was up and ready again, and he said he just could not believe that my cock could last so long and cum so hard and yet still be ready to fuck again in a mere three minutes. "Yeah," I said, "you know my cock never got the message that I got older. He still thinks he's 18!"

Patrick laughed out loud and said that he thought that must be the funniest thing he ever heard. "Wait until I tell my girlfriends," he said. And I half-jokingly asked, "are they cute?" And without a moment's hesitation he said, "Fuck you, do you think I'd share you with them?!" A split second later he was sucking my cock again, and once again I was throbbing to complete fullness in his amazing mouth.

"Bring that beautiful cock over here, you fucking stud," I urged him, and he stood up and forced it into my mouth, into my throat, and he fucked my face while I jerked off. He put his finger slightly in my ass, quivered and shook, pulled out of my mouth and cum again onto my chest. Not one to be outdone, I quickly built up to another orgasm while he rubbed our cocks together, jerking us both off simultaneously, and before long I was cumming again and again, as if for the first time that night, the spurts leaping out of my tip and splashing on my chest, even up to my chin. "Jesus Christ!" he said, "you really are still a teenager!"

"But only for you, baby," I teased, and we caressed and snuggled late into the night, this time only to three AM though. I drove home fairly sober, but so so tired from the long day. That night thoughts of him consumed my dreams. My heart and cock and mind and body are all pestering me this morning, "When do we get to be with Patrick again?!"

New Day New Year New Life

Oh my dear reader, where and how to begin? I have just had the most wonderful experience, a beautiful night with a fantastic man. He showed me things I have never known, our chemistry was like a nuclear explosion, he just showered me with love and affection and adoration. How can I possibly be so lucky? I'm still wondering when I will wake up from this incredible dream.

I always thought that if I finally ever had a gay experience, I would feel riddled with guilt. That I would become a monster of self-loathing. That I would second double guess and re-confuse my feelings, that I would place such harsh judgment on myself and fall deep into depression. Man, was I wrong. I feel whole, complete... utterly content. If only I had known that affection with a man could feel so comfortable, so right, without any reservations, regret or disgust... Yet if I had been with a man earlier, I wouldn't have had the same magical first time experience that I enjoyed last night.

As I pulled into Patrick's driveway at 6:55 PM, I thought, "oh my God, what if this is totally weird? What if he is a fucking serial killer!?" But somehow I managed to park and found his patio just as he had described, with a tiki torch lit for me, and with the porch light on. I immediately admired the design elements of the large, walled, covered patio. Nice brickwork, impeccable craftsmanship and style, garden beds, benches, a modest hot tub in a discrete corner of the yard, open to the sky, and large enough for only two, maybe three people. At this point my anti-adventurous and negative side yelled at me inside my head, "dude - RUN - A - WAY," But instead I knocked on the door.

I was a few minutes early, and at first I wondered if he had even heard me knock, I nervously pondered ringing the bell too, but within another moment he came to the door and it opened. I must have been very eager, because I guess I was standing too close to the door and as he opened it he stepped right out, nearly trampling my feet. He jumped back - startled to realize that I was a mere three inches from the door - but his surprise instantly turned to a smooth, inviting and generous calm. He backed into his home, and his warm smile drew me in like a magnet. For a moment I thought of the spider and the fly, but if this was indeed his wicked web, then I was as content as the fly to just give in to being eaten alive.

I felt comfortable right away, and he had a very gentle manner about him, just like he had during our phone conversations. I honestly did not feel attracted to him right away. He had said he was a young looking 49, and when I saw him I immediately thought that he looked young for maybe 55, "I've seen a lot hotter 49-year-olds along the way," I thought to myself. But it didn't really concern me because we had talked at length about what I might not feel entirely comfortable with, and we had prefaced our meeting on having absolutely no expectations except honesty. We would be meeting as new friends and to connect, to talk about whatever comes up. It was a relief to have such freedom when considering having my first sexual experience with a man.

Once inside, he immediately went into mothering mode, doting and pampering me, "Do you want to smoke some pot? Do you want a beer? Are you hungry? Can I make you some food?" Already I was saying yes to everything.

He made me a knock-down delicious salad with his homemade dressing, overflowing with avocados, olives, gorgonzola cheese, and ground black pepper. He laid out carne adovada, meat slices and crackers, grapes and blackberries. About the beer he got me, he said, "I don't know if this is what you like, I think it's imported," and he handed me my number one all time favorite beer in the whole wide world. I had told him the name, but this is no imported beer. This is rich and delicious handmade microbrew from the finest brewery in Oregon. He had remembered the exact type of beer that I had briefly mentioned during one of our phone conversations. His thoughtfulness and nurturing immediately notched him up on the attractive scale. Points scored for Patrick, I thought, though my inner negative was telling me to keep a critical eye out for rufies.

We relaxed and talked on the couch, and I could tell he wanted to get closer and start to get all touchy-feely, and he could tell that I wanted him to, but also that I was kinda still grappling with the idea. Though I felt comfortable, I was also pretty tense. He kept accenting the conversation by reaching out with his legs and feet to brush a touch off my knee or calf, and the more he did, the less I felt weird about it. Soon we were laying at opposite ends of the couch, our feet so close that it was inevitable that we started playing footsie. By then I had told him about my blog and we joked that tomorrow I would be pouring out all the gory details to my readers about how I finally played footsie with a man. We laughed and laughed and soon we were headed for the hot tub.

We undressed in his bedroom and the first thing I noticed was his nice, naturally toned shoulders, arms and gorgeous veins running the length. His chest was huge compared to the rest of his body. Not in a muscular way, but more skeletal: his ribcage was as big and round as a barrel keg, and it made his hips and ass look comparatively tiny. As soon as I was naked, he said, "you have a beautiful body, I don't think you are skinny one bit, you are very well proportioned, thin and very very sexy," and thus started a night of endless compliments and adoration. My cock had not yet responded, but I was honestly pretty glad to be rid of the inhibitions of the clothing.

The hot tub was the perfect temperature to the crisp night air. The stars were out and blinking at us, not a cloud in the sky. Soon our footsie game from inside evolved to having each other's feet in our crotches under the water, and I felt for the first time the softness of his cock and delicate sack. His hands inched up my legs and soon I was squirming with the anticipation of having him touch my cock. He teased a bit, and my boys instantly swelled just a little with the possibilities of the night. I could see him trying to sneak a peek through the water, to get a look at my cock on the sly. I knew exactly what he was up to, and neither gave permission nor shied away.

In a few minutes, he leaned toward me, staring into my eyes and said, "may I kiss you?"

"No." I said as kindly as I could. And he fell back onto his side of the tub, clearly dejected. I felt bad for turning him down, because I could tell he was getting pretty horny, that our stimulating and playful conversation just had him doing back flips with desire. At that moment, I knew I had him and that I was in charge and whatever was going to happen that night would be without question up to ME. It made me feel so empowered and free.

After only ten or fifteen minutes we got out of the water and went back inside. I dropped my towel and told him that I normally don't wear clothes and since I felt comfortable with him, I was just going to go nude. "Oh, okay," he tried to say nonchalantly, but I could tell that his heart had just literally dropped to the floor.

He asked if I thought I still might like the Tantric massage, and I tried to nonchalantly say, "sure," though my own heart had just literally dropped to the floor also. I didn't know if he noticed, but I certainly did.

We went to his bedroom and I laid face down on the bed while he fanned a warm towel over me and then put his knee between my legs and stood on my back with his arms, pressing on me and flowing into me a very deep intense feeling of spiritual voltage. It felt like waves of love and goodness pulsing through me like lying under a love-wave energy magnetic Tesla Coil, if there ever was such a thing. It was transcendental. He seemed to fall into a trance of loving sensual massage that felt truly divine. My spirit inside my body was floating unleashed through time-space, like I was having an outerbody experience, yet his rough and masculine, strong hands kept me tethered to the bed, tethered to this Earth. His touch was at once sexual and sexless, sensual yet ethereal. It was simply amazing and nothing short of heavenly.

That's when I realized he was now massaging my feet with his boner, and I was promptly returned to the physical realm. Even though my feet felt ice cold, he was emphatically saying "you have such sexy feet, you're just so fucking hot," and I realized he was also massaging me with his words, praising me like I was the most beautiful being in the world. I said I liked feeling his cock on my feet, and how warm it felt. He asked if I wanted to flip over and I did, and a little wave of insecurity came over me because all of this had not yet gotten me hard. I mean, he had just been massaging my perineum, my ass cheeks, my balls, my asshole. He had been fucking my feet! It had not gotten me hard one bit and I worried that it would turn him off or let him down, or that maybe it meant somehow that I wasn't at all gay or bi or queer after all.

But that's when I saw his hard cock, just sticking out so proudly and beautifully, to see it swing back and forth with his movements, and to see his cute little dick hole peeking out sheepishly from behind his foreskin, seeing the beauty of that just swelled my cock half-mast in about half a second. That was the first time ever I had seen another man's erection in real life, and my God it was just so hot. Way better than any magazine, video or DVD I can just tell you that. He proceeded to massage my now-pulsing cock for several minutes, just like he had all my other muscles, parts and areas and it just felt so good.



Soon he crawled up on the bed and brought his cock closer to me, he could see that my eyes were fixating on it, and he asked if I wanted to touch him. And with near a whimper I said yes, and timidly reached out my hand to caress and cup his balls, and my own cock throbbed to a granite obelisk in an instant at the release of repression and fulfillment of fantasy. I explored his balls and scrotum and cock, squeezing, stroking, massaging. I felt like a seventeen year old boy and I giggled with the curiosity and fascination of it. The utter strangeness and alien feeling of actually jerking another guy's cock, that here I was finally doing it at 39 after so long. Too long. If I was dreaming, I did not want to be woken up - dear God not right now, don't wake up!

Exploring his half-erect cock and dangly balls with my hands and eyes, while his strokes were getting more and more intense, he asked me, "do you want to get me hard?" Which was a little disconcerting because that's exactly what I'd been trying to do all this time. Using my left hand and having no skill-set to get anyone hard except myself, I felt like a virgin teenage boy again, which added a wonderful, innocent, time-traveling quality to the experience. Here I am trying in earnest to get this wonderful guy hard, and he asks me if I want to try to get him hard? I told him my trip and we laughed and laughed together, and he collapsed on top of me, looked up playfully and asked if he could suck my cock. I nodded yes and managed a Cheshire smile, I could feel my eyes sparkling with delight, and tried to act calm, though my heartbeat was stuck in overdrive.

He took me into his mouth just a little at first, and I had to look away, I had to lean back to try to usher out that last little gremlin inside of my personality, the homophobic bigoted gremlin with the bony finger, poking my left shoulder abrasively, saying with venom and rancor, "dude... there's a freakin' guy sucking your cock. What the fuck?!" And as I struggled to finally push him out the door of the party inside my head, meanwhile my cock got soft, and then hard, and then soft again, and I was off in my own world battling my own demons and gargoyles, telling them all to finally FUCK OFF and just let me have a good time already. It felt like a goddamn sexual exorcism inside. "BE GONE YE CRIPPLING INNER BEASTS!"

Patrick sucked my cock like a fucking Electrolux plugged into 220V. A big wet schloppy perverted human vacuum cleaner with no off switch. He twirled his tongue around my cock tip like an impeller, his blowjobs felt like a moist rotary engine with all the loud noises and intensity of a skilled craftsman who really knows their way around a cock. Like a frenzied cock mechanic on speed, and he certainly had my undercarriage up on the lift and was definitely lubing my chassis. Damn near perfection of intent, this guy's blowjobs could be a fucking patented design.

Taking a break from sucking me off for a moment, he knelt over me and I told him I wanted him to cum on my chest. He grabbed my cock like a fighter jet joystick and set the controls for the sun. He vigorously jerked his cock over me while I watched his cock and soon he was dumping hot gobs onto my chest, thick cum blobs that nearly burned my skin as they landed. It was thrilling to finally see a cumshot right in front of me, and I set off with intensity to jerk one out myself and add my own to the cum parade strewn across my pecs; but alas, I could not come no matter the technique so we said fuck it, put on robes and went back into the living room. It was nice to not feel judged for not actually being able to come, it just was what it was and that didn't seem to matter one way or the other. I liked that. No drama. No talk of visits to the marriage counselor for help.

So we just hung out on the couch together again, talking and laughing, smoking pot, and I had another beer. Patrick got out some Maplethorpe books and some other book that was just so fucking sexy and beautifully photographed of this insanely hot and charismatic model, I mean hotter than the hottest movie star kind of hot. And I let my robe fall open so he could see I was hard as a rock again, and he nearly jumped my bones and pleasured me again with his fantastic technique. He has a full length mirror in the living room and I stood up and watched him suck my cock while I enjoyed my own voyeuristic world, he pushed me all the way down his throat and just showered me with compliments, "I love your cock, I love to suck your cock, you are just so fucking sexy, oh my God I just want you inside of me, I want you to come," and on and on with such praise and assurance and sweet dirty talk. It was a real turn on to have my ego so stroked, not to mention the masterful cocksucker kneeled before me, and watching in the mirror our own live gay sex show.

We hung out again for a few hours, late late into the evening, and I was content to just be pleasured on and off. And somehow I didn't let it bother me that I couldn't seem to cum, and it didn't seem to bother him. After a while though, I started to get horny again and I decided in my mind that if I was going to ever suck a cock, now's as good a time as any. So I shed my inhibitions and opened up his robe, pulled down his underwear, took his cock in my hand and began to kiss it, slowly at first, up and down the shaft, gradually letting my kisses get wetter and wetter. I smelled his cock to see if somehow his scent grossed me out, but it didn't. He smelled kind of good actually, and soon I found myself more comfortable with kissing the tip, and I timidly took him into my mouth. It felt so good, his hardening cock still so soft and smooth against my tongue and mouth and soon, my curiosity building, I was taking his cock into my throat. He was so gentle and never thrust, letting me find my own way and what worked for me. I was amazed to find his 6" cock fitting nearly all the way into my mouth! And I felt like such a dirty slut that my cock raged to rock hard once again, and I kissed his lips.

I laid back with my feet up on the couch, he stood up to stick his cock in my face and I took him into my mouth again while I jerked my cock furiously, his hand cupped under my balls, his finger gently rubbing my asshole, I fucked him with my face and it got me ever closer to that orgasm that had thus far eluded me. I could tell that if we could get me there, this was going to be a cumload for the Ages, because we had been fooling around for some five hours, and my cock literally felt like a stick of dynamite finally reaching the end of it's mile-long, lit fuse.

As I built toward my climax, he put his face between my legs and sucked on my perineum and licked my balls and sucked the base of my shaft and that sent me over the edge, "oh yes, Patrick, I'm cumming!" and I shot loads upon loads of voluminous, wet hot cum all out onto my chest like a Mississippi flood. He was in his own world down there between my balls and hadn't even seen the eruption, and he laughed and said "HOLY SHIT THE VIGOR OF YOUTH!" once he saw what had actually happened there, and he ran to get a roll of paper towels before I spilled over my chest and arms and soiled the couch.

I was too drunk and stoned to drive home, and he made up the couch as a bed for me to sleep. Sweet man even gave me a valium, and he said that if I slept in his bed he would not be able to keep his hands off of me and he'd want to suck my cock until the morning light, but obviously we both needed sleep as it was already four o'clock in the morning.

All night I dreamt of making love to Patrick. My gremlin and demons and gargoyles even returned to the dream to try to make me feel guilty about fucking a guy and loving it, there at the party in my head they outed me in front of everyone but they all said to them, "yeah, so fucking what?" And in my dream, they were laughed out of the ballroom, and Patrick and I continued to dance, the focus of attention and the life of the party. It was a crazy, fitting dream. In the morning I told him about my dream and he fucked me with his masterful mouth again.

I can't wait to see him again. I can't believe I have a boyfriend, and it feels really, really good.

Craigslist Ad Leads to the Unexpected

The other day I posted a heartfelt poem on craigslist about what I'm searching for. Funny thing was that its in the "men seeking women" section, and I guess my post really spoke to a lot of people 'cause I got lots of responses - including one from a gay guy! Here is the poem I wrote:

I see beauty everywhere, my eyes focus like a lens
My mind wanders seeking expression in words
I am shy and reserved, yet open and self aware
I love conversation and the power of ideas
I want to understand and to be understood
I am deep, spiritual, honest and kind
Sometimes I’m blue, but I always see the good
I know you’re out there, help me find you
I love writing, music, the vast outdoors
I’m here for the mountains, sun and sky
So much love and no one to share
The only thing missing is you...

So the very night I posted it, I got a curious response that said, "What a beautiful post, is it only for women?" And I wrote back, "Maybe... Tell me about yourself." And this really sweet guy named Patrick wrote me back offering a massage and to hang out. We ended up talking on the phone for like 2 hours that night. Then we talked on the phone again today for about an hour. And I'm going over to his house in about an hour.

This is very exciting because it is totally new territory for me, and also to be on the verge of fulfilling a longtime fantasy, to hang out with a really tender and sweet gay guy with the potential for more, like fooling around! He has a hot tub and he smokes pot, so at the very least it will be nice to just chill with a natural person. There's a lot I want to talk about, about being gay, about being queer, bi, or whatever, and I want to confide in him these feelings I've been having, because it seems like he'll really understand.

Our spiritual connection on the phone is really obvious, and there's a lot of sexual tension but still in a comfortable way. Of course my cynical and fearful side wants to force me to cancel, but I don't think I'm going to let that happen. He seems really genuine and real, and seems like at the very least he could be a good guy friend that I can actually talk to about all of this inside of me. He's older than me by about ten years, so I don't really know if there'll be an attraction or any chemistry there, but there's only one way to find out! We talked about so much deep stuff on the phone, I think he has a little crush on me because he said he really hoped that there was physical chemistry between us. I kinda hope so too.

Tomorrow's post will be about what happened tonight! Wish me luck, dear friends! Here's to a brand new year.

What Is Gay Sex?

It seems the word sex has many meanings. Bill Clinton got caught in the shaded area of the definition, the classic heterosexual male train of thought: sex does not occur unless I fuck her pussy. When Clinton uttered those infamous words, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," he was providing a window into the male paradigm, one that bases the definition of sex on committing the act of laying the pipe. There's a few problems with this way of thinking about sex, none the least of which being a charge of perjury when under oath.

My now-bisexual lesbian friend who helped me realize I'm bisexual, was telling me about this time she hooked up with one of her lesbian friends for a one night stand. In the telling the story she said, "we had sex" and at that moment I realized -- neither of them has a penis so sex must mean a lot more than penile penetration. She told me about their tryst, and to her, the sex was everything that happened that night. Licking, sucking, grinding, kissing, fingering, fisting... everything. The whole experience was the sex, and since there was no penis or dildo involved, the meaning of the word had little to do with vaginal penetration.

I just read a really hot true story that got me thinking about gay experiences (again) and the meaning of the word sex. In the story, the blog's author, orange108, talks about his "truth or dare" sleep overs with one of his stepbrothers. They started with little touches of each other's dicks, then progressed to jerking and sucking each other off. Although they never had anal sex, in my opinion what they had was gay sex. And I'm jealous.

Sex has many meanings. Considering that not everyone has a penis, or one that gets hard, or one that's big enough to penetrate anything at all, and that they have a right to have sex as much as anyone, the word sex therefore must mean more than penetrating a pussy or ass with one's cock.

Japanese Spa Fantasy

I went to our local Japanese Spa for a soak in the hot springs. Once in the locker room, as I undressed and put my stuff in my locker and got on on my robe, I remembered that my cock and balls were perfectly groomed. That morning I had given myself a beautiful sculpted manscaping, and as I made my way to the clothing-optional hot tubs, I caught myself secretly hoping someone would notice.

I slipped off my robe and hung it on a peg. Fortunately there were only a few people in the main tub, no kids, just a young couple speaking quietly, some nude sunbathers on the benches, and one other man who appeared to be alone. The couple was in their own world and barely saw me getting into the tub, but I noticed the man catching a glimpse of my groomed package as I slid into the water. A knowing smile emerged from the corner of his lips, and he cast me a glance and raised his eyebrows. I rarely come to the spa, and I had heard straight guys complain about being hit on by gay men there. Being the adventurous soul that I am, I wanted to see what that would be like. Looks like I was getting my wish.

I sat next to the ladder, enjoying the warmth of the water and the cool air on my neck and shoulders. Within minutes the couple got out of the tub and went over to the sauna. Of course I sneaked a peek of them on their way out of the tub, it's simply my nature. The guy said as soon as they were out of earshot “I couldn’t help but notice your trim job... Are you gay?” I thought this was rather forward of him, but figured his curiosity was justified. Probably more gay men shave and groom their cocks than straight men, I thought.

“No, not exactly,” I tease, "but I'm not against it either."

We introduce, and he casually said, “I have a private tub reserved in ten minutes... care to join me?”

My dick perked up and swelled under the water with the offer. "I'll have to wait a few minutes... you just got me hard." I smiled coyly and he laughed.

We talked about this and that, current events, politics, just basically small talk. I kept the subjects off of anything that my dick might mistake for a reason to get hard again. Even at 38 my libido seems like it's just as strong as it was when I was 18. I never got over crude humor, never stopped thinking about sex constantly, never stopped jerking off daily. So my cock has this way of responding to titillating conversation and if I was going to get out of that tub, I wasn't going to have the patrons complaining to the office about erections, which I had heard about before at this place. Apparently some of the men weren't waiting until they got to the private tubs and some families had rightfully been offended. So the place was on high alert.

His name came over the intercom, "Paul, Paul, your private tub is ready." As we got out of the tub I was trying desperately to keep from dwelling on the opportunity I was about to have. I tried not to think about the people that would see us getting out together and the fact that I'm in the closet. I tried not to look up his ass at his nuts as he got out. I tried so hard to stay cool but instead I got hard again, and I climbed up out of the pool with a half hard dick and grabbed for my robe and put it on as fast as I could. I don't think anyone noticed, but I'm sure he did.

We walked down the path to the private tub. This Japanese Spa has themed private rooms and courtyards that have tubs at varying degrees with a sauna, a garden and places to lay out in the sun. This was the Jade Room, once we disrobed we got into the water. The time for talking had passed, it was clear why he had invited me here.

Sitting across the tub from each other on opposing benches, we looked into each other's eyes, silently flirting. Our feet met under the warm water and we touched, inching our feet up each other's legs, up to the knee and past the thigh, and soon our feet were in our crotches, massaging ourselves. It was very sensuous and different than anything I've experienced before, just casual touching and silent communication.

He floated over close to me and we embraced, our cocks entangling under the surface like water snakes. We kissed, he nibbled my neck and I tried hard not to let out a sigh, knowing that the outdoor private tub was still within earshot of the very public path. The spa was supposed to be a quiet place to meditate. Affection and sex were frowned upon there, after all it was a family establishment, not a wild gay sex club! It was important to stay calm, cool, and collected.

I reached under the water and cupped his balls with my hand, we kissed deeper, and he pushed himself on me in a subtly aggressive way. I could tell he was getting pretty horny and wanted to fuck me in the ass.

With the pressure of his physical advance, it was probably good that I told him I only top. He seemed disappointed, but said he understood, and asked if I wanted to go into the sauna so he could suck me off. It was clear he was looking for a little bit more action than just kissing and touching, so I backed away from him, got up out of the water and leaned back in the sun. "Let's just stay here."


He moved over to me and put his arms up on my thighs, took my cock in his hands and buried his face in my balls. As I leaned back, he licked and gently sucked my smooth shaved sack while slightly stroking my cock. It felt amazing to be out in the sun, with the feeling of the breeze and his arms weighing my thighs down, the mixture of sensations throbbed me to a thick, full erection. I looked down to double check I wasn't dreaming, and he looked deep into my eyes and without hesitation took me all the way into his throat. I gasped.

With the suction he was applying to my dick, it wasn't long before my cum was flooding his throat. He sucked me dry and swallowed every drop. Right then the front desk came over the intercom, "Paul, your half hour is almost up."

After I gathered my composure I said, "thanks for the private invitation." I winked. We put on our robes and made our way to the lockers. We quietly showered and dressed as if nothing had happened, and on his way out he handed me his number. "Call me if you want to soak again."

Camping Circle Jerk

I went camping with a friend, just to get out of town. We took my four wheel drive truck deep into the mountains and found a remote spot in a grassy mountain meadow to set up camp. We like to party, and by mid afternoon we were a few beers into the conversation, starting to feel a little buzzed.

He started complaining about the women in our town, that they were so hard to approach and if they weren't already taken, they were friggin crazy. I had had similar bad experiences and failures with women in town, so I took a chance. "I know, when the chicks around here are so hard to connect with, I just go after the guys."

He gave me a stunned look and for a second I was worried that I crossed a line, that maybe I offended him. But instead his face flushed beet red with embarrassment. Flustered, he stammered out, "H-have you ever been? ...with a guy?"

"Not really, but I always wanted to kind of check it out." I told the truth.

"Yeah, the more I strike out with women, the more I want to see what it's like to be with a guy, ya know?"

"Yeah, man I do know..." I said, nervous with the segue and the opportunity. "... um, can I see your cock?"

"Never heard a chick say that!" We laughed and he bashfully said, "I dunno... you go first."

I've always been an exhibitionist at heart, so my cock jumped at the chance. I stood up, unbuttoned my shorts, and pulled out my manhood. I was already starting to get hard. It was a nice day so I just took off my shorts and underwear and laid down in the grass. "I prefer to be naked anyway, and my dick likes it too." My hardening tip glistened in the sunlight, my cock vein pulsed with exposure. "Your turn, dude." I winked.

He gave me a look of hesitation, but my smiling nod must have settled his unease, and he took all his clothes off right there standing in front of me. My cock lunged and hardened to granite.

He sat down next to me totally naked. I took off my shirt and we jerked off right there in the beautiful tall grass and sun, both totally naked. With the breeze and sky and the sound of him beating off, watching every stroke, the excitement had literally come to a head and a cannonball of cum came blasting out of my cock and splashed on my chest. I unloaded my orgasm in seven spurts of juicy cum that ran down my abs in streams. He wasn't far behind and took his eyes off my cumming dick, focused intently on his own, beating himself rapidly now. I reached out and cupped his balls and he was instantly sent into a violent burst of release, he moaned and cum bubbled up to his tip and danced out onto his chest in glorious bursts.

When he was drained he looked up at me, and I bashfully looked away half embarrassed, and he said, "chicks got nothing on that."

Seduced at a Hotel Bar

Our gay bar in town isn’t well known. It’s a hotel bar in a gay-friendly part of town, I hadn’t known about it until a lesbian friend of mine told me about it. It seemed like a good place to start, as I had been having gay fantasies for years, only recently having decided to actually act upon them.

I went down Saturday night to check it out, it was a typical hotel bar. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the obvious fact that most every couple and group in the bar were gay men and gay women. Looks like the choice was made for this bisexual: check out the guys! No homophobes to be found here, I thought to myself.

I sat at the bar and ordered a drink, vodka martini. Before too long, some really cute guy came up and asked if the seat next to me was taken. “Not yet” I said, my heart rate racing as he sat down. "Am I going to get hit on by a guy?" I eagerly wondered.

He was wearing a white dress shirt, two buttons undone, I could see that his pecs were well defined and copped a glance down his shirt as he sat down. I looked up and his blue eyes focused on mine in an intense yet unassuming way that made me instantly relax. "What's a guy like you doing in a place like this?" he said half-sarcastically, poking fun at the infamous pickup line.

"Just seeing what's available," I said, smiling with my eyes as I took a big swig off my martini, trying to remain calm. I felt like a deer in his headlights. This was new territory for me, being the hunted and not the hunter, it was a change of pace to not have to make the first move like in the straight bars.

His demeanor was very natural and smooth, flirting with me in a relaxed and confident way. It was more conversational than a date, they are usually more structured and interrogatory, the conversation always seems to end up on personal questions. But this guy had a way of getting around the typical dumb direct questions with humor. "What's a guy gotta do to get a-head in this town?" he said, casting a playful glance, accenting the corny innuendo, "financially I mean, of course."

I finished my first drink, and my new friend quickly offered, "I could get your next drink, or why don't we just have drinks in my room, I got a suite for the weekend and I stocked the wet bar."

"Sounds good, let's go" I heard myself say.

I left a 10-spot on the bar, and he whisked me away to his room. I eagerly waited for him to get out his key to open the door, nearly faint with the thumping in my chest. My first time with a guy was eminent, and my cock pounded against the constraint of my jeans. Heart racing, ears ringing, face blushing, the anticipation was almost unbearable!

He opened the door, and I practically fell into his arms. He was much stronger than me, bigger build, taller, and more muscular. It was like leaning into a stone building, solid and unmovable. Though I had never kissed a guy before, our mouths met in a deep kiss, our tongues entwined. While we made out he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a meticulously sculpted six pack and chiseled pecs. What luck, I thought, I had met up with a Greek god for my first encounter, and my mind raced with the excitement of long-awaited release.

With a playful tug through my jeans on my throbbing package, he pulled away from me and suggested I sit on the couch while he make us some drinks. I took "make yourself comfortable" to mean take off my pants, since the swelling in my undershorts had become uncomfortable. My dick was doubled-over, trying to get hard on itself, stuffed into my boxer briefs, and when I pulled them down, my cock sprung out like a tiger being released from a cage. Any fullness left to attain in my erection was completed in three heartbeats, my cock instantly pulsing to full mast.

Standing there in the room half naked, cock pumping to my heartbeat, I said to him, "you'd better hurry with those drinks." He looked over, saw what had emerged and smiling wryly, carried over the drinks, "that's why I love skinny guys, they always have such big secrets," and he handed me my drink. Vodka martini, straight up.

Cheers. He moved close and we kissed. I ran my hand over his abs, moved it down and unzipped his trousers. To my delight, his meat tumbled out of his pants, right out of his zipper hole. I leaned my hips forward to rub my cock against his, back and forth while we kissed. He undid his pants button, and they fell to his ankles, revealing alabaster sculpted lower abs and neatly trimmed cock.

Between sips from our drinks, which were now taking effect, adding to the buzz in my head, we made out intently. "I want to be topped" he said, and took off his shirt, sat down on the couch and put his drink on the corner table. He pulled out a condom and lube from a little drawer, and tossed me the condom. "Put this on, I want you to fuck me." He scooted forward, sat back in the couch, put his legs in the air, squirted lube on his hand, and started massaging his asshole as I put on the condom. In no time he had three fingers in his ass and said "bring that cock over here." I knelt before him and stuck my cock in his ass. His skilled muscle practically grabbed my dick and sucked me in. The warmth enveloped my rock hard cock and I pushed deep into him, my balls nestled between his ass cheeks.

I pulled out slowly and he moaned, "yes, fuck me" and I pushed deep into him again. Increasing the pace, I pumped my dick harder and harder into his ass until I was furiously pumping, fucking his hole deeper with each thrust. I grabbed hold of his beautiful hard cock, and used it as a handle to fuck him deeper. "Yes! Fuck me harder!" he screamed, and I started to counter my thrusts with jerks on his cock, so that I was essentially giving him a handjob and fucking him at the same time.

I fucked and jerked him until he declared, "I'm coming!" His asshole clenched down hard on my cock and he came in thunderous bursts onto his chest and stomach. The sight of all that white milky cum and the clenching on my cock just put me over the edge, and I pulled out of him, whipped off the condom, and spurted my orgasm out onto his chest, dripping onto his balls and cock, mixing our cumloads in a spunky brew of man juice.

He spread the cum out all over his chest, rubbed it in to his skin, and I lay on top of him exhausted, put my head on his shoulder, smelled our scents together and fell asleep.

Bisexual Marriage

If there's a soul mate for everyone, how can I be sure my soul mate is not a man? With gay marriage gaining acceptance in society more and more every day, marriage may soon be a sacred right for all human beings, male, female, or transgender. Not just male and female. That said, what type of marriage is there for bisexuals?

Could three-way marriage ever be legal? Two men marrying one woman? Polyandry is currently illegal in the US, so that leaves one legal avenue for a bisexual to have a happy marriage. And that is an open one, in which each partner agrees to allow the other to sleep with other people.

This type of relationship would take a tremendous amount of love, understanding and control of jealousy. Can you imagine if your open marriage partner was getting laid like crazy while you're striking out? That'd be double jealousy!

Finding a soul mate has come easy for some, while others have settled for the first thing that came along, and for others it has not come at all. I can't imagine finding a wife who understands that I need to get some man meat every now and then, sometimes with her around, sometimes without. Ideal would be to find a bisexual woman, that way we could enjoy variations of every kind; but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Here's another solution to the bisexual dilemma, have a husband and we go out and hit on chicks all the time. Don't some women have the fantasy that they will be the one to "break" their gay friend and turn him back to pussy? Make him see the light? Well, I'm ready to be broken. And she gets to watch:

Mountain Man's First Time

I was hiking alone in the National Forest, climbing a small easy peak just outside of town. It was mid week and the trails were all but vacant. I had seen an elderly couple at the trailhead a mile or so back, but they were heading out. Being the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, it was a pleasure to find myself alone among the fresh air and pine trees.

On the five miles to the summit, there was only the sound of the breeze through the trees, the occasional songbird, and my footsteps. When I got to the top and rounded the final bend to the crested rocky outcrop, I was surprised and a little bummed to see someone else there.

As I walked up, I noticed it was just a regular guy about my age taking in the view. He glanced over casually and said, "hey, whats up, hows it goin?"

"Pretty good – great views… I usually like to find my own scenic overlook" I said, not hiding my disappointment to find company where I had hoped to be alone.

"The best view is definitely from here. Anyway I dont care if other people are around," he said.

"OK cool – thanks," I said, and went over to join him on the rocks, because it really was the best view. You could look out and see the whole city and the valley and the big mountains beyond.

You live in town? I said, just trying to keep polite. "Yeah, 8 years," he said. "Same here."

I had chosen a spot on the rocks slightly lower than him, and when I turned up to meet eyes in normal conversation, I could not help but notice that his cock and balls were readily hanging out of his shorts! I had never gotten such a full look up a guys shorts before. Shocked and ashamed, I turned my head away and tried to pretend not to have seen. But it was hard to imagine he had not seen that my eyes had simultaneously glanced and stared, and that I had appeared both curious and repelled at the same time.

"These summer days its too damn hot for shorts," he said, and stood up, then with one motion removed his shorts, turned around and placed them on the rocks like a seat, then sat back down, his bottom half naked, with the warm glow of sun shining on his thighs and package. I was surprised to feel my stomach drop and my cock tingle to a slight bulge instantly. It was a thrilling moment, because I had never been knowingly aroused by a man before.

I found myself staring at his cock in the sun, as it twitched and pulsed and sprung to life in the sunlit warmth. I looked up and meet his eyes, he smiled a comforting look, and bashfully looked away, lifting his hips so that the semi fullness of his manhood sprung momentarily off his tanned thigh, pulsing now more intently. It was a beautiful sight that stirred backflips of lust in my gut. My cock ached to be freed from the confines of my underwear and shorts, and to be free in the breeze as he was.

"Do you want to touch it?" he said smoothly and matter of fact. My cock pounded against my shorts at the taboo of his question, my mind raced with anticipation and guilt, the instilled fears of a strict upbringing confusing my thoughts. I longed to have my cock enjoy the sunshine and breeze to tangle and bump against his in a naked manly embrace. Looking lustfully at is now fully erect cock and balls, I noticed they were trimmed and shaved perfectly, the result of a meticulous manscape. I have been grooming for years, and was glad to see an attention to detail and style.

"I’ve never done this before, would you take me out first?" and with that I could resist no longer, and stood up next to him and unzipped my shorts, undid the button and let them drop to my ankles. "Take me out of my underwear," I said, and he pulled out my throbbing cock and balls. The breeze across my scrotum sent throbs of pleasure through my shaft and balls, from my toes to the top of my head. The release of lust was wonderful and at long last.

With my hard dick now in his face, he took me whole in his mouth, enveloped my head and shaft in moist warmth and caring technique, and within one half second this expert had my balls on his chin, my cock fully down his throat. This man could deep throat, a feeling on the cock of unexplainable pleasures. I knew I would blow my load any second if this kept up. We were out in the open at the summit of the little peak, anyone could approach us and see our tryst at any moment. The added likelihood of getting caught enhanced the experience even further.

By now my hand had found its way to caressing his left pectoral, and I wanted to feel another man in my hand finally now after fantasizing an encounter scenario just like this for so long. So I pulled away from the most fantastic blowjob of my life, with cock-sucking talent like no woman I had ever known, and knelt down to explore his neatly trimmed region.

I had remembered this game of exploration I played with my first girlfriend. She would lay me down on a table and strip me bare to investigate my body. I got so hard there on the table, she touched me a bit and caressed me and I remember being so turned on and excited by being played with and laying up on that table so exposed, because my cock stuck straight up in the air!

Looking back now, I know that I was secretly jealous of her, that she got to play with this hard and beautiful glorious thing, and I envied her, because I wanted to play with a cock too! Her pussy was a beautiful sight, and exploring her is one of my most beloved teenage memories; but it was her fascination in the discovery of how interactive a scrotum can be, and her excitement at my cocks seemingly magical growth in the palm of her hand, that was when I first felt the urge to touch another guys dick.

Now here in the sun with this gorgeous man atop this mountain with both of our excited cocks, tip glistened and gleaming in the sunlight, the breeze tickling our balls, it is almost too much to take. I can tell that my excitement has built to a head already, and if there is so much of a brush against my dick, I will spasm into orgasm and spew my hot cum all over the place. It would feel so good and my cock aches for release, but I must see how it responds to touching another man, see if my cock gets hard when I caress his balls; utilize my erection as a meter to determine how much Ive been missing, what possible fulfillment my cock has missed out on while I’ve kept myself forcibly in my own closet.

I take his now half-hard cock in my hands, and I am immediately taken back and turned on by how it feels. I throbs and pulses in my hand, slowly filling back up with blood. The heat of his cock is surprising to the touch, and it stiffens right in my hands. The feeling is amazing, and in no time my own my cock is back to standing full mast, hard and erect in the midday sun. He reaches down to caress me, as I lean in to kiss the tip of his beautiful cock, to feel for the first time a cock in my mouth.

The bead of clear precum on his tip surprises me with its sweet salty taste. I had known my girlfriends to mention it, I had never tasted the nectar myself, and to feel his erection under the soft glide of his python-like head against my lips was one that I had been longing for. Finally I felt at home with my sexuality, denying neither side of the barrier in my mind: that both men and women turn me on and always have and I should never hate myself for that.

As these thoughts raced through my mind, and the blood pulsed through my cock, I wanted to feel more of his meat in my mouth, I wanted to take in his full erection, down my throat expertly like he had, but I gagged a bit as his cockhead filled up the back of my throat completely. I pulled away ashamed and he eased me out of my fears, so he said, "its okay, I dont have any expectations, I know this is your first time."

So I settled for giving my first handjob. Just like any guy, I knew he wanted more, but there was something really nice about just jerking him off there in the sun, my cock free in the breeze, my inhibitions free of previously harsh self-judgment. As I squatted there stroking this complete strangers cock, he looked down and me, saw me smiling and said, "you like that don’t you."

"Yes," I said and turned up the pace, looking up at him sheepishly, stroking him harder and faster, pumping his cock in my hand. I could feel his shaft fucking my hands as I held the skin tight against his cock and pumped him with my fists. Soon he shuddered a bit leaned back, and cum exploded from his cock in glorious throbbing spurts. I could feel his hot jizz well up and shoot out through his shaft, bursting in a wonderful torrent of cum, spurt after spurt, three, four, five gushing gobs of hot juicy cum welled from his cum hole. It was a geyser of lust, a gorgeous fountain of man juice spurting right before my eyes. The feeling of his pipeworks in my hand as I drained the last spasms of cum from his cock, put me over the edge.

I stood up, my cock standing so erect and ready, aching with precum glistening on the head, and he guided my hard-on immediately into his throat. I was so aroused to have my beloved wonderful cock out in the sunshine, fully erect, and to now have his incredibly special treatment. It was a feeling of arousal and curiosity like never before. The fascination of new experience just enhanced the fact that we were outdoors, in the sun and breeze, my balls caressed and gently held while I received the best blowjob of my life. He gobbled my cock, pounding his chin on my balls, thrusting my head deep into his throat with guided abandon and practiced expertise.

It quickly became to much to bare and I tensed up into a fierce orgasm and dumped spurt after spurt of my hot love juice deep into his awaiting throat. He swallowed right in sync with every burst, sucking the cum from my balls like a vacuum cleaner. All the while staring me straight in my astonished face.

Flushed, we gathered our clothes, and walked down the mountain together, and parted ways with a friendly goodbye. I wonder if I will ever meet him on the mountain again.