Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My New Blog

FYI: I just started a new blog yesterday, Cock-A-Day. It's pretty boring right now, 'cause there's only one or two pics on there, but I intend to post a new random cockshot every day for... well we'll see how long it will last. I have a huge collection of digital photos, hundreds of cockshots, so I'll try to keep the content fresh and not repeat any pics from this blog. Hope you enjoy it, if not, enjoy something.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Straight Porn After Gay Sex

Sunday night I masturbated to straight porn after I got home from Patrick's. While I was over there I couldn’t cum again, even though he was doing things to me that felt so good and had helped me get off before. I left kind of frustrated thinking that I was going to have to practically jerk the skin off my dick to get off that night.

So when I came home I fired up the DVD unenthusiastically, one of the "Bang That Teen Pussy" series, just an intro part of a model playing with herself before she gets fucked. She had small tits, a nice trimmed blond pussy, beautifully toned petite body, and she wasn't too pretty, so she had that perfect girl next door kind of look.

Watching her little fit body as she bashfully played with her pussy got me so hot that I came so hard it landed on my face. I can't remember the last time I launched a cumload onto my face, if I ever have at all.

It's great having a boyfriend, but it's pretty clear I gotta get some pussy! I also need to sleep with some other men and see if this dilemma is just about Patrick, or having sex with men in general.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Confused Over Confusion

I spent practically the whole weekend with Patrick. He had me over for dinner and drinks on Saturday night, we stayed up until 4am. I might as well have stayed the night, because I ended up watching the NFL playoffs with him all day Sunday anyway. We had a really great time. We had sex a couple times too, and in different ways than before. It was actually pretty nice.

Previously I posted that I was feeling kind of bored with the sex, and I brought it up to him on Saturday. I told him that I just don't feel that inspired by sucking cock, and that I was confused about why it takes so much effort for me to cum because a lot of what we do together is really pretty hot. I told him that most of the time we were together I was thinking about women.

I expected him to be crushed, but instead he said something that could not have been more perfect, "well I think that's because you are a true bisexual." He is so patient and understanding it blows me away. And the time we spend together is so affectionate, just cuddling, talking and laughing. It's all romance and passion and sensuality. In a lot of ways, all of that is better than the sex.

I'm kind of tripping out about not feeling all that into sucking his cock. It's not like it's exceptionally big or obnoxious, it's clean and well groomed. I dunno why but it's like it simultaneously turns me on and off. It gets me hard to have him in my mouth, but then I almost immediately lose interest in doing anything with it. Poor guy, it must be driving him nuts. lol

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Patrick Hates My Crossdressing

I guess he's is not into queens. They turn him off the same way women do. So it stands to reason that he's not so into my crossdressing stuff. He's not into the skirts or dresses, heels or hose. The idea of me wearing my lacy top around his house just turns him off, he says. In a way it's kind of weird because I just want to feel natural around him, and a lot of times I just want to be nude or wear women's clothes because, well, that's what feels natural. It's only about comfort, so I find it pretty interesting that he doesn't want me to wear my girlie shit around him.

Maybe it makes him uncomfortable, I don't know. Maybe he's so gay that anything feminine turns him off on a fundamental level. When I asked him about it, he said that he was attracted to men, not women. He told me about another closeted bisexual lover who also likes that stuff, but that as for himself the women's shit just doesn't do it for him. [Note to self: gotta meet this other guy he's talking about!]

What's really interesting about it for me is the way it illustrates different people's arousal triggers. For him the arousal comes from the sexuality of masculinity. Whereas I think for me the arousal comes, perhaps, from the fantasy of being a woman. The clothes give me the experience of what women get to wear, while I get to role-play their gender and fantasize about having a straight women's sexuality. And get fucked by some handsome and manly guy.

This dynamic that I have with Patrick is really bringing up some deep introspection. What is the basis of my attraction to men? Is it physical or fantasy? A combination of both? Or do I simply have a fascination with being perverted - that I need to continually up the ante to get off? Is this gay experience authentic or is it just my attempts to raise my sexual bet: "I'll call your crossdressing, and raise with a blowjob and fuck in the ass."

I understand how men dressing up in women's clothes could turn off a gay guy. The same way I understood when one of my past girlfriends couldn't stop laughing any time I wore women's clothes. She just thought it was funny, not sexy. I have had girlfriends and lovers who thought it was really hot, though most of the time I've kept very private about my panty thievery, cock ring hobby, heel fetish, and other unmentionables.

Friday, January 16, 2009

On Boredom and Butt Play

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ass HNT

Me and my new favorite skirt.